As the noise and madness of a World Cup blares all around her, Sinead Farrelly takes sanctuary in prayer and writing in her journal.
The 33-year-old's journey to this point is one of the stories of the tournament.
Farrelly only returned to the game in March after an eight-year absence. In 2015 she suffered concussion in a serious car crash, though the true scale of the stress she faced around that period only came to light six years later when Farrelly and her old team-mate Mana Shim went public with allegations against former Portland Thorns coach Paul Riley. The subsequent investigations found widespread sexual abuse and misconduct in the NWSL.
A shock call-up to the Republic of Ireland squad in April has ultimately led her to Australia; to playing in Sydney in front over almost 76,000 people, producing backheels and clever touches in the white heat of elite international football.
And yet away from the pitch, when the eyes of millions are focused elsewhere, Farrelly admits she's fighting a perpetual internal battle.
"When the [Australia] game started I was fine but for 24 hours before it I was physically ill," she says.
"I did not feel good. I was just trusting when the whistle blew I would be okay. That's all I could hope for.
"I was so nervous and filled with a lot of fear and had a lot of anxiety so I think that clouds it sometimes. I was trying my best to be present. I really want to enjoy every moment of this. There are a lot of layers to this and a lot of emotions. It is not as easy as that sometimes, although I wish it was.
"I am enjoying it as much as I can. I know this is a special moment and it means a lot and I just feel really grateful to be here and to have the opportunity.
"You have to focus on the game and not be in your own head so it ended up being fine. There was a lot of emotions and energy in that first game, but I did fine."
"It's better for me to get it out of paper rather than keep it inside."
Farrelly has been incredibly honest about her anxiety and self-doubt, dragging her fears into the open to help overcome them.
The act of writing is important and therapeutic for the Pennsyvania-born midfielder whose roots go back to Virginia in County Cavan. And singing helps too. She belted out Amhrán na bhFiann word for word at the Accor Stadium - as all the players did - after putting in the effort to learn the national anthem.
"There's this middle part that I still don’t understand but I’ve been learning it phonetically," she says.
"It’s been really difficult and it’s been stressing me out because I’m like, if the camera is on me, I need to be able to get it right. So I still have to lock it down. But the first half is so in my brain and so it’s just finishing up.
"I just think it’s important. When I’m out there with the girls before, they’re so loud and proud singing it and I just think that’s part of being on the team and showing my commitment and devotion to this. So it’s been important to learn it.
"It’s just taking a little longer than I thought. It’s fun. And then you get to sing and feel like you’re participating and being part of the community.
"I love singing and group singing is the best. And it reminds us that we're all here to play our heart out and have fun."
Her journal is an important tool too; a way to clear and calm the mind.
"I just love to write," adds Farrelly, who reads the Bible every day. "Sometimes it's taking notes. Sometimes it’s prayers I’m writing. Sometimes it’s just getting my feelings out. But it’s better for me to get it out of paper rather than keep it inside.
"Like after the game I wrote in the journal for a long time. It’s really helpful for me to do almost affirmation at times. Because my mind will lie to me and tell me, 'you know it’s your fault the team lost' or something. So I just have to write over and over again: 'It’s not your fault we lost! It’s not your fault we lost!'
"It’s almost like I’m in a constant battle with myself. That’s not forever. And I’ve made a lot of progress. But when you’re fighting against the way your brain has worked for decades, it just takes a little bit of time.
"I know by now that I can’t give those thoughts space. I have to immediately contrast them with a positive, or the opposite of them. Sometimes I will just write the same thing over and over again. And it will just relieve that illusion I have and that will help."
"It was like a movie walking out of the tunnel into the whole crowd."
Despite all this, Farrelly is enjoying her first World Cup. She had some good moments against the Australians and is a firm favourite of Vera Pauw's.
For all her concerns going into the group opener, the classy midfielder looked at ease on the big stage.
"The game was incredible," she adds. "The fans were amazing. It was like a movie walking out of the tunnel into the whole crowd. It is a bummer to lose. We could have got a result out of that game.
"I am sad it has started because it feels like it will be over soon. Not for us, but in the next month it will be over and it has been so amazing."
Watch Republic of Ireland v Canada in the 2023 FIFA Women's World Cup live on RTÉ2 and RTÉ Player on Wednesday at 1pm, follow a live blog on RTÉ.ie/Sport and the RTÉ News app or listen to live commentary on 2fm
