I realised quickly that my injury would make it touch and go to make the World Cup squad. I missed the backend of the season with Liverpool and while my knee was resolved, it was whether I could get match fit in time.
There was constant contact with manager Vera Pauw over the last few months and while we agreed we would do everything in our power, it came down to one simple question; would I be fully fit for the opening game against Australia on 20 July?
It was a daily mental battle during rehab wondering how events would pan out. Obviously it was always lurking at the back of my mind that the cards might not fall my way, yet the final call was still a devastating blow.
Even a fortnight later, I'm still struggling to process it all. It was always a dream of mine to represent my country at the World Cup, the biggest stage of all.
The lead-up to the squad announcement was an anxious time. As I was doing my own strength work with the physio, I was travelling up and down from Drogheda every day to the team base.
Two days before Vera made the official announcement, my fate was sealed. My last session didn’t go well – I couldn’t run pain free – and I knew then the game was over. I wasn’t going to be 100% to face Australia.
I met Vera and the coaching team that evening and she said that both parties had not been found wanting. Without putting my body at risk, there was no more I could do. The timeline was simply too short.
All going well, I’d be available for the end of the group stage, but the deal was I'd be ready from the off. I respect Vera for her decision and I’ll never blame her for me not being selected. It’s professional sport, you go through highs and lows, and this is certainly my low.
Ultimately, I would never want to take the position of a player who could give their best for Ireland. It’s not about me, it’s about the team, doing the best they can at the World Cup and putting women’s football on the map.
On finding out the news I wanted to go back and be with my family. I packed up and Leanne Kiernan, who unfortunately received the same heartbreaking news a day later, helped me to the car. Niamh (Fahey) and Katie (McCabe) both came outside to support me.
It was one of the hardest and longest drives home. I contacted my partner and asked her to speak to mum and dad and let them know I was on the way home and was safe as they were worried, but I couldn't tell them. I knew it would break them and I didn’t want the feeling of letting them down.
When I walked in the door, there was a quietness. To see the expression on my dad’s face, someone who has taken me on every step of this journey, was crushing. He broke down crying and I just fell into their arms, devastated.
I felt like I had let them down in a sense. They have given absolutely everything for me to achieve my dream and I just came up short.
The Wednesday the squad was officially announced was my birthday. My 30th should have been a joyous occasion, but I spent it in bed, unable to move. Still in shock.
While I was now outside the camp, I thought it was important to touch base with the players via our WhatsApp group.
I wanted to press upon them that whatever decisions were made regarding the squad, to know that each and every person has been an unbelievable part of the journey. Any omission wouldn’t define them as a player.
I told them as disappointed as I was, I would be their biggest fan. I’m still so excited to see how they will do on the biggest stage.
I deleted my social media accounts and left the WhatsApp group. My coping mechanism was to block it all out.
I had more than 60 messages on my phone. I knew they were all messages of support from family, team-mates and friends, but I couldn’t even lift the phone as every time I would have to relive the experience, and I couldn’t get my head around that.
I went back on Instagram to post a message of thanks for everyone who offered support as so many people reached out to me.
Sport can be cutthroat at times and I don’t think people appreciate that side of it unless they are in it.
I watched the France game last week from my home in Bolton as a fan, and like I said to the girls, I’ll be their biggest fan as they embark on their journey Down Under.
My immediate focus now is finding a new club. After two years at Liverpool, I’m set for a new challenge. My agent has had discussions with a number of teams, and I’m hoping my future will be sorted in the near future.
I’m working my way back to full fitness, currently using a local gym until I find a club. WSL contracts ensure a 'duty of care’ for out of contract players up to a maximum of 18 months, and the PFA are great at looking after players in my situation so I'm being well looked after.
It has been such a difficult couple of weeks for me, but as I continue to progress physically, and I get to watch some of my good friends take on some of the best teams in the world, I’m looking forward to Irish women’s football being the focus of attention.
My World Cup column allows me the opportunity to share my thoughts on what I hope will be a memorable journey for the Girls in Green.
