"For whatever reason, I was having a really bad day yesterday. One minute I had my bag packed to go into a little office and go do some work. And then I was like, 'No, I should go do my run'. Then I’m sitting back down on the couch moping about it and then on reality, I knew when I made that initial effort, shoes on, out the door, hit the watch, eight minutes into the run, there is a big smile that just comes back."
Like many athletes grappling with goalposts being moved because of the Covid-19, Stephen Scullion is remaining mindful of the psychological challenge that accompanies the physical pressure of staying in shape.
The Irish marathon runner had qualified for his first Olympics after a race in Houston six months ago.
But the pandemic has pushed that Tokyo 2020 target back to next summer and with it the long-held dream of representing Ireland on the biggest stage.
However, Scullion has been no stranger to adversity and challenges during his athletics career, including leaving the sport entirely for a period and even taking up rugby briefly, before returning in 2018 and embarking on his quest to make it to the Games.
Speaking to RTÉ Sport as the KBC Dublin Marathon announced a virtual version of the race for October to replace the cancelled original event, the Belfast native has found himself taking the delaying of his Olympic dream in his stride.
Key to Scullion’s calm re-evaluation of goals has been his work with sports psychologist Gary Longwell, a former rugby player, to hone the mental side of his discipline and the two have spoken regularly over the last couple of months during the lockdown period when at times physio, training camps, races and even popping out for groceries was either not possible or somewhat complicated.
"I think at the very start when we spoke, there was a lot still happening. Boston might still have been happening and races still existed at that point," he explains, pointing that keeping a consistent routine is the important thing in maintaining an even keel.
"The conversation just changed quite quickly. It went from, ‘Let’s try to keep focused on these races and do everything we can’ [to], ‘Hey, the races are gone; hey, I’m losing motivation here because nobody can tell me that the Olympics will even happen next year so what do I do?’
"It’s like your brain and your psychology can go into a bit of a panic and it’s kind of like you’re panicking about things that deep down you know you’re capable of handling. So why even panic?"
He adds that the fact that he has overcome previous hurdles has also been a psychological boost and something of use when rationalising the current situation and putting things in perspective.
"In fact, not only have I been able to overcome things like this in the past, I’m here where I am now qualified for an Olympic Games," he says.
"So why have I been letting this bother me? I think it’s probably just in our nature to have that little bit of worry or doubt at first.
"I was thinking about this today and I kind of love opportunities like this where you’re almost handed... you know, it’s been such a disappointment. The Olympics are gone and races as we know it right now are gone. There’s no other way to describe it apart from really disappointing for so many people and the whole world and all of a sudden, you’re given this opportunity where if you can’t handle it and you want to quit, then quit.
"No one is going to be, ‘Oh, my goodness, you’ve quit’. They’re going to go, ‘It must have been really tough’.
"So what tends to happen is, when you don’t quit, and you keep fighting that little bit and you know you were handed the opportunity, I think you almost come out the other side better because it was free will. It was choice to keep doing whatever you can and A, handle what’s been going on and then B, try to move to thrive in it.
"So the work with Gary over the last 10 or 12 weeks, it started as really motivated, then it moved to survival instincts where you’re just trying to survive. And now we’re back to thrive again."
Acknowledging that no one gets up feeling 100% motivated every day, he adds that, in his view, "the athletes who survive this period and do get to the other side maybe there will be a new sense of appreciation for normal things and races to come back."
One of the 31-year-old's mantras is that he is an animal. But does he have a specific spirit animal in mind that he channels in order to become more resilient and bulletproof mentally?
"People have said ‘lion’ but that’s only because my name is Scullion and ‘lion’s at the end of it," he says.
"But the animal was more like an idea and a mantra of something I wanted to live by.
"There’s a really good quote in a movie – the new King Arthur movie – and he’s trying to become the big leader and he has to hold this sword and when he holds this sword, he sees visions of both his parents being killed and he can’t watch it.
"There’s a mage and she says to him, ‘Don’t get me wrong, I couldn’t do it but that’s why you’ll be king’.
"The animal idea is that there are things you’ll have to overcome and places you’ll have to go in races that not everybody can do. That’s what separates you from normal, and to me that’s where the animal thing comes because I don’t always do it cleanly – the last four months have not always been clean but I was always going to get through it.
"Even if I did quit, it wouldn’t have lasted. It might have lasted a day, two days and no matter what, I’d have always come through.
"And I wouldn’t have only come through. I would have found a way to burst through and that’s the animal.
"Not many marathon runners have gone from marathon running to playing rugby and running into guys 20 kilograms heavier than him thinking he was going to bust through them.
"There’s something inside me that’s just a bit wild and the more I can channel that within the running scene, [the better].
"Like last year, I ran past a guy in the Dublin Marathon and roared in his face with 40 metres to go. I look back and think, I can’t believe I even did that. It almost makes me cringe. But I love it – that's wild and you can’t script that."
He adds on the idea of channelling animal instincts, "Nobody is going to tell a lion that coronavirus is happening right now. They’re cracking on like they always did and I definitely think we can learn something. But it’s about channeling that."
Dublin Marathon organisers have today announced details of the official KBC Virtual Dublin Marathon. It will take place on the October bank holiday weekend, marking when thousands of runners traditionally hit the streets of Dublin.
