Caring for a loved one full-time can be all-consuming: there are medical appointments to keep, routines to stick to, calls to make, supplies to procure. It's a busy time, all the time. But when the caring ends, so too does the all-consuming busyness. You might think that that would mean a welcome re-introduction to the concept of downtime, but that isn't always the case.
"There's no roster done out for you. I was on the go day and night."
After 14 years caring for her husband, Margaret was left with a huge void in her life when he died. She told Philip Boucher Hayes on Liveline that she went from not having a minute to think to having too much time to think. Margaret cared for her husband 24 hours a day, 7 days a week for 14 years. There was no respite, no holidays for the entire 14 years. It was hard, it was relentless, but it became what she did. Aow that it's gone, she doesn't know what to with herself.
"Here you are with all this time. What do I do with it?"
Margaret told Philip how, despite caring for her husband for all that time, she was unprepared for his death and the grief that took hold of her in its aftermath. "I lost my soulmate, my best friend," she says, and even though her family live reasonably close by, Margaret feels very lonely and she doesn't think she's the only one in this predicament. There's no support for a person who's essentially re-entering the world after devoting themselves to someone else's well-being for such a long period of time.
"There is no recognition for the work that carers do."
Margaret was absolutely right when she told Philip that she reckoned there were many people around the country who felt the same way as she does. Liveline took some more calls from people in the same situation as Margaret. You can listen to them here.