80-year-old Mary McDonnell was a carer for her daughter Sinéad until her death at the age of 54 last month. Sinéad had Cerebal Palsy. Mary is an advocate for the rights of Carers in Ireland and joined Ray D’Arcy on the phone to talk about caring for Sinéad and how she and her family have been coping following her death.
Mary told Ray that Sinéad died at home with her family.
“Sinéad had a very peaceful death, free from pain. And she just slipped away. Naturally, we miss her terribly but of course the way it happened was the way I wanted it to happen because she was afraid I would die before her.”
This worry that she would die before her daughter and leave her with inadequate care was huge for Mary. She explained how much it weighed on both her and Sinéad’s minds.
“She was very afraid and very terrified and I was equally so…since I was 74 she was asking me, she said to me ‘In six years’ time, you’ll be 80. And who is going to look after me then? Will you be able to look after me then? You’ll be old.’ So, that was a big fear.“
Ray interviewed Mary back in May and at the time she told him that she prayed Sinéad would die before her.
“Sinéad was so traumatised at the thought of my passing away before her and I was so traumatised at that happening that I prayed every night and I would actually be quite distressed and upset about it.”
Part of the current problem, Mary believes, are cuts made to respite care in 2015 that haven’t been replaced. She’s adamant that carers deserve more recognition.
“[Respite] needs to be replaced. Carers are really suffering…carers do trojan work and it should be recognised…It’s very unfair that Government doesn't appreciate us or recognise and respect us…we’re just mostly left to flounder out there and hope for the best.”
Listen back to the full interview with Mary McDonnell on The Ray D’Arcy Show here.