On The Business, Professor Aidan Moran of the UCD School of Psychology spoke about how and why we should say no more often.  While you may think you're either an assertive type of person or not, he says the truth is more malleable than that.

"Saying no is definitely a key skill.  From the earliest days we learn to say no to our parents, sometimes in a very emphatic way but as we get older, I think there's a distinction to be made between saying on to yourself and saying no to other people… saying no to yourself, psychologists would regard as a form of discipline or self-control and saying no to other people would be a form of assertiveness, setting boundaries against unreasonable or unwanted requests."

Saying no to yourself is what we may refer to as having willpower, but Aidan says psychologists regard it as a skill that can be worked on and improved.

"It's not a character flaw to have low self-discipline.  It's just lack of practice of basic skills of self-control." 

Things get more complicated when it comes to saying no to other people, particular others you want to impress, for example, in an office setting.

"For most of us in organisation, there is a danger that we spread ourselves too thinly by saying yes to every request especially at a junior level when we're trying to gain experience…  Ultimately saying yes to everything… is likely to lead us to be too thinly spread over many activities and in fact, you might end up saying yes to things that deep down you know you shouldn't be saying yes to or that you don't enjoy or will be bad at."

Aidan says the power is in how we say no.  We can, for example, explain that we're not comfortable doing one task as we are committed to another, thereby helping the other person to see things from our point of view.  He says it is helpful to take time to think about what we’re being asked to do and then, if we want to say no, to do so thoughtfully with a simple explanation.

"Listen to what you're being asked, reflect on it, then give the answer.. listen, decide, act."

Click here to listen to that interview on The Business