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"Chaos agent" Robert Pattinson attempts pasta, blows up microwave

Updated / Wednesday, 13 May 2020 12:26
Here's how to make Robert Pattinson's chaotic portable pasta recipe... without wrecking your kitchen appliances.
Here's how to make Robert Pattinson's chaotic portable pasta recipe... without wrecking your kitchen appliances.

Can't master sourdough? Keep burning the banana bread? It's okay, it could be worse. In a new interview in GQ, actor Robert Pattinson shared his recipe for a pasta dish he calls a Piccolini Cuscino or "Little Pillow" and promptly horrified the Internet. 

Like a caped crusader of lore – or just superhero movies – Pattinson and his failed pasta creation have swooped down, spreading perspective, joy, horror and many layers of pre-sliced cheese in what could be an abstract prank or a genuine attempt to cook lunch. 

Same. 

In the profile by Zach Baron, Pattinson decides to cook for the interviewer over FaceTime, as the star is self-isolating in London during a break from filming The Batman. He says he invented a dish that would give pasta the "fast-food credentials as burgers and pizzas", a sort of handheld pocket of pasta, cheese and sauce. 

He even went as far as to pitch this idea to Lele Massimini, a culinary heavyweight in Los Angeles, who didn't think the idea worthy of a reaction. Not deterred, he cracks on. 

He starts by microwaving the pasta for eight minutes, which he calls obvious. Next, he builds a boat-like shape with tinfoil and adds a layer of sugar to it, topped with cheese and then some crushed cornflakes. "I found after a lot of experimentation that you really need to congeal everything in an enormous amount of sugar and cheese", he explains. 

He adds a layer of tomato sauce, the ambiguously cooked pasta, more sugar and then the hollowed-out top of a hamburger bun. For a flourish, Pattinson flambés the letters "P" and "C" onto the bun using a giant novelty lighter.

"I'm really trying to sell this company. I’m doing this for my brand", he tells Baron, before lighting his latex glove on fire.

He wraps the blob in more tinfoil and puts it in the oven, which Baron feels sure is actually a microwave.

After seconds, the writer describes a "lightning bolt" erupting from the kitchen appliance, and the actor ducking "like someone outside has opened fire."

It's hard to know whether this was a meta performance by Pattinson, or just an act born of boredom. But one thing's for sure: it's bang on trend for these uncertain, chaotic times. 

And now, because we're not ready to let it go, here are the best Twitter reactions to Robert's recipe:

How do you take your eggs?

Remember him

Just in time!

Tracksuit, and all 

This kind of blissful ignorance

Same

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