Good evening from the Graveyard! It is us - Uncle Vlad and Zombetty, radio hosts on the creepiest show in Ireland - Spooky FM! And we are definitely not a vampire and a one hundred year old zombie.

No, definitely not.The most wonderful time of the year approaches! No, not Christmas - Halloween! And we're here with some advice on how to be as ghoulish, ghastly and gross as possible on the big day.

We know some young people plan to dress up as witches, werewolves and wicked fairies, but since we hear enough of those creatures on our show, we’ve picked five costumes that manage to frighten even us two!

So come on, children of Ireland, Scare Us If You Can by dressing up as one of these dreadful disasters!

A Maths Teacher
Research shows that doing lots of sums makes your brain nice and strong. And hard and chewy! As Zombetty likes a soft brain with just a dash of salt for dinner, we can’t think of a less tasty costume.

A Chef
There are a lot of things Uncle Vlad hates about kitchens. Garlic. Stakes, oh whoops, we mean steaks, all those shiny pots that show everyone’s reflection - except Vlad’s. So he definitely won’t be a chef this year. Or any year.

An Acrobat
All that running fast, jumping and leaping. Not for Zombetty! She likes to walk really slowly, with her arms stretched forwards. Also, her hands, legs, fingers and toes (and sometimes an eye) have all been known to pop off, so best leave the tumbling out for now.

A Window Cleaner
These guys are the worst, according to Uncle Vlad. Not only do they make the glass so clean a bat could fly straight into it not knowing it’s there, they always close the window when they are done. How’s a vampire supposed to get inside your bedroom to bite your… Um, never mind!

A DJ
Ew. Those folks are the stinkiest stinkers in Stinktown. Imagine - playing silly music and distracting listeners when they could be enjoying Spooky FM instead! (Hey, Zombetty, was that a good advertisement for our show?)

So there you go, you creepy kids - how to shock even the most monstrous monster. Have a happy Halloween. Come visit us on Spooky FM, and Scare Us If You Can!

Spooky FM can be heard wherever you get your podcasts. Or listen (if you dare) Fridays at 19:00 on RTÉjr Radio.

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