Julie McDonnell (20), from Coolock, radiated happiness and was always smiling. She was fanatical about Elvis and his music and dedicated herself to coaching the local football team.
Introduction
My name is Pamela McDonnell, the niece of Julie McDonnell. I am 41 years old, and I have never met my aunty Julie but 14 months after her untimely demise, I was born into a grieving 'Stardust family'. I am here today to represent Julie on behalf of here late mother Trish, late sister Lorraine, her brothers Paddy and Martin, and her sister Paula.
Everything had changed by the time I arrived, so I only know how people were post-Stardust. I grew up around sadness and loss on my dad’s side of the family. I can’t put into words the affect it had on Julie’s mother Trish, my beautiful nanny and her sisters and brothers.
Background
It feels strange to me to be writing this, but I have heard so many stories and memories from our family that I feel like I do know Julie and the type of person she was. I know when my sister and myself slag my dad off, that she would have loved it. I know when new babies were born into the family, she would have loved them all. I picture her smiling always and I often think of the life she could have had and what she missed out on.
Julie was a special kind of person. Everyone has the same opinion of her: fun, loving, happy, smiling, helpful, caring, and thoughtful. She was a hard worker and provided for the house as a breadwinner along with my nanny as my granddad was estranged.
Julie and my nanny were more like friends than mother and daughter. Julie did everything to please her mam and if her sisters or brothers needed anything or had no money, she would always look after them. She was always there to help.
She always kept the pressure off my nanny when it came to bills and shopping. As long as her family was happy, she was happy too, that was the sort of person she was.
Julie and her sister Lorraine were like two peas in a pod. They did everything together and went everywhere together. She was a great sister. The girls shared a bedroom and it was filled with records, posters and books.
She worked hard in Portion Foods and had many friends. She was football crazy and very competitive. She was a coach for the local football team.
Julie loved her music, she was Elvis mad. When I was younger, I was convinced Elvis Presley was my uncle as I assumed if you loved someone, you were married.
Stardust Fire
My mam and dad attended the Stardust the night of the fire. They both have their memories of the night and how they escaped. They often retell their individual stories. Sometimes I see them drift back to that night and I see the sheer terror on their faces and a look in their eyes, that breaks my heart. They both heard and saw things that are etched in their minds and will forever be a part of who they are today.
From the stories shared, on the day of the 13th February 1981, there was a great buzz in my nanny’s house as Paula the baby sister was dancing in the Ktel disco dancing competition that night and
everyone was going. Julie being more into cabaret and not into the dancing, went along to support her little sister. Along with Paddy (my dad), Lorraine, and lots of friends, work colleagues and neighbours.
I picture my nanny waving them all off, wishing them the best and giving the usual "look after each other" and "don’t come home without each other" speech as they all headed off in great form. I imagine my nanny sitting by the fire waiting with anticipation to hear the results of the competition, hoping for the best. The kids didn’t realise they would never see that version of their mam again as she waved them off that night.
The night was going great, and a ball was being had by all, they had their chips and sausages, and the competition began. Paula was crowned the winner along with Errol Buckley from Donneycarney. My dad said when Paula won, that Julie and Lorraine went mad screaming their heads off with delight for her. He said they were all made up and loving life. Paula remembers leaving the stage and joining the girls for a celebration dance. Everybody was so happy.
What happened next changed the path of so many, 48 lives came to an abrupt end, people were injured and traumatised forever from that moment on. It was chaos outside as the neighbours and parents had started arriving on the scene.
Everybody was looking for friends and family they had gone out with at the start of the night. My Dad saw Paula leave and he met Julie outside, they were both looking for Lorraine. He said, "you go this way and I’ll go that way." Little did he know Julie went back in to find her sister.
They left and headed home to make sure everyone was safe. As they walked up the Kilmore Road, there was talk of people dying and they couldn’t believe that someone they had been dancing with might be dead. They never realised how bad it was and how many people were missing.
My dad arrived home and Julie was not there. Lorraine had gone to hospital with burns and Paula and my nanny stood by the window awaiting news of Julie. My Dad had told them he saw Julie, and that she was out and not to worry.
My nanny had convinced herself that Julie was okay and that she had gone to help someone else. As the count of the missing and dead got higher there was still no word from Julie. Panic started to sink in and my dad and his brother Martin went to search for Julie in the main hospitals. They gave her description and went on to the next hospital.
There were lots of moments of relief for friends who were finding loved ones, and lots of false hope too. My dad said there would be lots of "they found such and such" and their hearts would jump thinking it was their loved one, and then the awful dread would kick in. The hours went by slowly and still there was no sign of Julie.
They met a guard who told them to go to the morgue. They gave Julie’s description and went home to see if there had been any contact made and had Julie arrived home in the meantime.
They continued to search the following day, but it would Monday morning Julie was identified by her aunt Lily and uncle Michael. They were told they had a female matching Julie’s height that had lovely teeth, there was a small tattoo on her wrist, there was a charm bracelet with a globe on it that her aunty Lily had bought her and they confirmed that this was indeed Julie.
Since then
That was the start of a whole new life in the McDonnell household filled with pain, anger and hurt. Julie’s 21st birthday was planned for the following weekend. She had it all organised and paid for.
The family was faced with cancelling her party and organising her funeral instead. The family had no involvement in the planning in the funeral. No specials songs or prayers. Told where to go and when to turn up. She was buried in Sutton graveyard 2 days before her 21st birthday.
My dad was the eldest and Julie was a year younger, so he lost his best friend that night too. They had a great relationship and I wish I could have seen them grow old together.
It was tough living in the house afterwards as the word ‘Stardust’ was not to be muttered. Everyone was grieving and everything had changed.
My nanny always had the hope that Julie didn’t die as she didn’t see her body. She was convinced she would just show up one day. She often found herself seeing someone that looked like Julie and running up to strangers thinking it was her.
Paula was only 15 on the night of the fire and had to live with the fact that lots of friends and family had gone to support her that night. I speak to Paula today and still see the anguish and guilt that she lives with.
In 1985 the families attended the original inquest of the victims. They stood in court to be told Julie died by fire. This itself was a whole new level of grief.
The years went by slowly. Julie’s death took a big toll on Lorraine, she had lost her sidekick. Her mental health was suffering, and she went back to school to occupy her mind.
She tried to find work here but was not having any luck. She began applying for jobs in New York and Canada as an au pair. My nanny, as devastated as she would be to say goodbye to another daughter, knew it was in her best interest to go as the future of the country looked bleak.
In 1986, the government was paying out compensation to the victims of the fire. This did not sit well with Lorraine, and she told my dad she felt as though they were buying her grief. She was offered £33,000 for her burns and was due to collect her cheque on the Tuesday. That was not to be, as Lorraine killed herself on the Monday night. Another child gone.
I remember Lorraine. I was told I brought her some joy in those dreadful years after. I have some lovely memories of her that I cherish. I can still see her smiling face and hear her laugh. She had a wicked sense of humour and always played tricks on me. She spoiled me rotten and brought me everywhere. She was a great aunty and stood for my sister Natasha.
I feel her near me often and I miss her. I wish I had the chance to grow up with my 2 aunties and be part of their lives today but sadly, it was not to be. This goes so deep inside families; I feel like I missed out too and I wasn’t even born that night.
It’s been 40 plus years now and sadly we said goodbye to my beautiful heartbroken nanny in December 2020. There was no justice nor any resolve for her. Our only consolation is that she is with the girls now.
Conclusion
I wear Julie’s watch today, carry Lorraine’s letters and wear my nanny’s bracelet. I know they are all with me in spirit today encouraging the good fight. Please bring peace to our families and finally allow them to rest. Julie and Lorraine left their mark and will never be forgotten.
Julie and Lorraine left their mark and they will never be forgotten
