As the Cannons, Valla Blacks and Kearneys settled into their weeks in the wilds of Kerry, clinical psychologist David Coleman attempted to explore the roots of their particular issues. Last week the three families got off to a good start, but it wasn’t long until family life got back to normal. This week proved to be not just an emotional challenge but a physical one too, as new activities encouraged the parents to get involved and show their weaknesses - but in all cases the tensions appeared to get worse before they got better.
In the Valla Black family the relationship between 14-year-old Alex and his mum Stephanie had reached breaking point, with an emotional Stephanie feeling like she has lost control of her son. Since arriving in Kerry Stephanie has started to question her parenting in the past, and found it difficult to accept the answers. She soon discovered that Alex’s anger and resentment towards her stems back almost ten years to when his two siblings were born (at least she knows now it wasn’t because she forgot to put a cheese string in his lunchbox!).
Sinead the instructor found it difficult to watch the pair squabbling as she believes “there is no give on either side”. She brought the family on a series of woodland challenges that were designed to encourage communication and team work. Unfortunately, Alex’s lack of respect for his mum and hostile behaviour continued to escalate during the task.
David decided to tackle the issue head-on with Stephanie explaining to her that her son feels pushed to the side for some time. Stephanie began to look back on her decisions in the past, and started to mentally punish herself for going back to work. Her emotional breakdown made Alex see that she really does love and care about him. But will she be able to change her ways in order to give him the attention he desperately craves?
At home mother of five Sara from Dublin is reliant on punishment as a means of controlling the children - but this is only a recent practice. As the Kearney household became more chaotic in recent years, Sara felt that she had no choice but to take some form of action. As she analysed her methods, Sara began to feel overwhelmed with guilt and reflect on the hurtful things that she has said and done in front of the children.
It has been noted that since arriving in Kerry Adam has seemed less angry. As anger masks a lot of underlying feelings for a child, David was eager to find out why he feels like this so that he will be able to deal with emotions differently in the future. It became clear Adam feels misplaced in the family, and almost naturally assumes the position of the troublemaker. All Adam wants is some positive recognition from his mum whom he secretly has a lot of respect for.
Sara shouting less seems to be working like a charm for 5-year-old Jake which has resulted in less tantrums and a calm atmosphere in the house (well done Sara!). However, despite the best efforts of Sara to form a relationship with her eldest son, he finds her new approach “annoying” and “frustrating”. Just when it looked like Adam and his mum were getting on like a house on fire as they paired up to be canoe buddies, he soon went into a huff as he felt like she didn’t follow his instructions (Oh dear).
Last week, mum Nathalie from Donegal admitted she was overprotective of her children, and had trust issues with her husband Michael. David is worried that the long-term effects that the split had on the whole family, and is aware that the children Shannon and Jamie don’t have a voice within the family or the freedom to make their own decisions. By giving them the task of raft building he was interested to see if Nathalie could step back and let the girls take the lead.
Michael is an easy-going dad and threw himself into the water, but when he tried to play with the girls and get them into the water, Nathalie looked like she was about to have a panic attack. Although they have completely different styles of parenting which makes it hard for them to negotiate, there is also a serious underlying divide in their relationship. Interestingly, the kids think that there dad is scared of their mother (can’t believe they said it to her face).
In an attempt to work on the trust issues in the family, they participated in a rock climbing challenge, but it was the group discussion afterwards that appeared to achieve the best results. Michael admitted he is disappointed with his behaviour, while daughter Shannon disclosed that she can’t trust her mum after she said her dad was in work to disguise the fact he had moved out. Equally, younger child Jamie said she is worried that they may break up again.
Next week Michael realises he can’t change Nathalie, while Adam looks like it may jeopardise the family progress that has been made.
Laura Delaney
