Virgin – 2001 – 54 minutes

'Right Now' is the debut album from scally pop trio Atomic Kitten. Clearly released to cash in on the stellar success of single 'Whole Again', this record will disappoint all but the most militant Kitten fans.

The album is a 14-track wade through the most risible, sugary mess you could ever find yourself in. From the very first track, 'Right Now', the Kittens display their brand of uneasy coquettish sexuality. This song, aimed squarely at the pre-teen market, features some of the most exploitative, sexist nonsense put on disc since the heyday of gangsta rap. The fact that three young women are performing it does not excuse the excruciating boredom and, frankly, disquiet, that listening to the orgasmic pleadings of these three creates.

The girls themselves, clad in various materials available at your local fetish store, appear to be the first example of human cloning. A trio of equally insipid and uninspired singers, selling dull as dishwater songs to a pre-teen market. Nowhere is this lack of talent more clear than on Bangles cover 'Eternal Flame', where comparisons with the likes of Suzanne Hoffs are inevitable and unfavourable. Of course 'Whole Again' is on this record, and that remains a decent slice of pop pap. But repeated listening does show up the similarity between it and All Saints' 'Never Ever', again emphasising what a poor example of 'girl power' this band represent.

This album may be the first sign of the decline of Western civilisation as we know it – or just the worst record of the new millennium. Either way I urge you, nay implore you, not to waste a second of your life listening to this album. Do something more stimulating, like cutting your toenails.

John Raftery

Tracklisting: Right Now - Follow Me - Whole Again - Eternal Flame - Tomorrow and Tonight - Get Real - Turn Me On - Hippy - You Are - Cradle - Bye Now - Strangers - See Ya - I Want Your Love