"I want to hear the story about the plumbers!"
So says one of the adorable little Lumas at the start of moustachioed megastar Mario's new big-screen adventure.
The celestial charmer isn't the only one who's craving more: 2023's The Super Mario Bros Movie, which was made for $100 million, took over $1.36 billion at the global box office - more than Oppenheimer ($997.5 million) but less than Barbie ($1.44 billion) - to become the second-biggest film of that year.
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So, Universal Pictures and Nintendo have got the gang, including returning directors Aaron Horvath and Michael Jelenic, writer Matthew Fogel, voice cast Chris Pratt, Charlie Day, Jack Black, and Anya Taylor-Joy, back together to mark the Super Mario Bros video game turning 40.
The console grandee and co deserved better than the groaning pipework of this forgettable sequel.
It's rescue mission time as Mario (Chris Pratt), brother Luigi (Charlie Day), and pal Princess Peach (Anya Taylor-Joy) set off to find Princess Rosalina (Brie Larson), who has been "princessnapped" by Bowser Jr (Benny Safdie), the son and heir of the first instalment's villain (Jack Black).
If that already feels like way too many characters, it's nothing to the IP bingo on screen.
This Easter cinema opp is cute to look at, but it goes all-in with the subplots (Frozen, Star Wars, etc), is too short on good gags, and never manages to flow like a proper story.
Younger viewers will have questions about what's happening. Adults will be unable to answer - they'll be too busy daydreaming that Marty Whelan would look amazing dressed up as Mario.
