As we hurtle toward another St Patrick’s Day, Alan Corr rounds up the very worst and the very best attempts at an Irish accent on the big screen. Bogosh and, indeed, begorrah!
Ah Ireland! Proud island nation with a long history of oppression, potatoe eatin', and drinkin’, lots of drinkin’. The fighting Irish tell a great yarn and Hollywood has always loved the Gael.
Movie makers just can’t resist our quaint ways and tragic days and from semtex to shamrocks and shillelaghs, the green has always been well represented on the big screen.
But if there is one thing da stars can’t seem to get right it’s the old Irish accent. It seems that the only time that American actors - and it’s mostly American actors - open their mouths when playing Paddy is to change brogue. To be sure and, while I’m at it, to be sure.
So here it is - TEN’s brogues’ gallery of the worse examples of the gift of the gab being garbled. And to be fair, we also lift the lid on the actors who have a lovely Irish lilt.
The worst . . .
Tom Cruise in Far and Away
Holy god. Just holy god . . . this tale of two Irish immigrants seeking their fortune in 1890s America was a pile-up at Oirish cliché central. In fact, it might have been created by those cute hoors in Bord Failte to coax dewy-eyed yanks over to the Emerald Isle with their lovely crinkly green backs. Tom was always going to be cruising for a bruising as local lad done good in the New World but boy, that accent was as broad as the Shannon but in no way as majestic. And no Tom, we don’t like your feckin' hat.
Sean Connery in Darby O'Gill and The Little People
“The name is McBride, Michael McBride . . . “ cue fiddles, bodhrans and leaping Leprechauns. Way back in 1958, former coffin polisher and future secret agent Sean Connery tried his hand at playing the Gael in this Disney romp. He’s Scottish, right? A fellow Celt should have at least have been pretty handy at the Irish burr? But no, Sean’s got a licence to ill treat the old Irish accent here.
Gerard Butler in PS I Love You
Just when you thought this slice of tooth-rot from the maven of make believe Cecelia Ahern couldn’t get any worse, Gerard Butler rears his potato head to purée our proud Irish bark. Strange, really as Gerard is another Scot who might have been expected to have a decently burnished brogue? To be fair, he later apologised for mangling our murmur.
Kevin Spacey In Ordinary Decent Criminal
Kevin Spacey - He is President Frank Underwood, he was Verbal in The Usual Suspects,, he re-energised the Old Vic in London . . . yup, the man is a pretty amazing actor but nailing the accent of a Dublin criminal escaped him in Thaddeus O'Sullivan’s wayward Ordinary Decent Criminal. Spacey seems to take a 32-county tour of our septic isle but still manages to go full blown American every few minutes.
Brad Pitt in The Devil’s Own
Brad goes rogue with a brogue as an IRA bomber in this thriller. He plays Francis “Frankie” McGuire - he's an IRA man on the lam who actually finds shelter in the home of New York city cop Tom O’Meara (Harrison Ford). The movie plays fast and loose with the facts of the Northern Irish conflict (then again, doesn't everybody?) and while our Brad in't quite the pits (geddit!!!?) when it comes to playing a bold Belfast boy, does he lay it on thack, sorry, thick.
. . . and the best
Cate Blanchett in Veronica Guerin
Well, it is Cate Blanchett, one of the finest actors working today. Her portrayal of crusading crime journalist Veronica Guerin is nothing short of enthralling and her northside Dublin accent has the stamp of verite and authority.
Alan Rickman in Michael Collins
Rickman got Dev’s morbid drone down pat in Neil Jordan’s historically wonky but hugely enjoyable drama about Ireland’s Greatest Hero. Rickman’s every wary and weary word as Dev sounded like a withered wreath and he also turned in an excellent performance as the cartoon villain of the piece (fine by us). We reckon Julia Roberts as Mick’s girl Kitty Kirwan was looking on taking notes.
Kate Hudson in About Adam
We journey to the other side of the river for Kate Hudson’s role as Lucy Owen, a thoroughbred suburbanite on the hunt for Mr Right. Kate cuts it in a movie largely made up of native Dubs and it makes her portrayal all the more impressive.
Maggie Smith in The Lonely Passion of Judith Hearne
Smith plays anguished Dublin northside spinster Judith Hearne with an accent that wouldn't get her thrown out of a Dorset Street boozer for fakery. It's a towering performance of pain, dashed hoped and romantic doom and not once does the Dame's accent slip into sham-mockery.
Will Poulter in Glassland
A late addition to the honour roll. Glassland doesn’t hit cinemas until April but our spies tell us that 22-year-old Londoner Will Poulter is not only one of the most promising young actors in the world but he can also `do' accents. Other that the divine Miss Aniston, he even managed to bring class to face-palm comedy We’re The Millers and word is that his turn in Glassland is superb and his Irish accent is uncanny.
Alan Corr
