Director Joe Wright (Pride and Prejudice, Atonement) may be an expert at literary adaptations but his attempt to turn a classic fairytale into a big-budget fantastical adventure lacks the magic and fairy dust of JM Barrie's classic tale.
Leaving Wendy and the rest of the Darling gang behind, Wright begins his origin story in World War II London, where infant Peter's (Miller) mother (Seyfried) leaves him at a drab orphanage overseen by the corrupt Mother Barnabas (Burke) - who's dodgy Irish accent would give Sean Connery's Darby O'Gill a run for his money.
Before you can say 'Tick-tock there's a crocodile behind you' Peter is whisked off to Neverland by pirates on bungee ropes (yes, you read that right) acting on the orders of the heartless and moustache-twirling Blackbeard (Jackson), who seeks eternal life from 'pixum' fairy dust. It is here that Peter is forced to come to terms that he's a mythical 'chosen one' and forced to hatch an escape plan with fellow minor Hook (Hedlund) - who is not yet a pirate and still has both hands.
Along the way 'The Boy Who Would Not Grow Up' and his new pal seek refuge with a miscast Princess Tiger Lily (Mara) and her tribe and together they attempt to defeat Blackbeard and restore freedom to Neverland.
The initial action scenes are outrageously imaginative and vividly explosive but Wright quickly gets bogged down amidst the CGI and busy set-pieces. Writer Simon Fuchs' (Ice Age: Continental Drift) ill-conceived script is painfully bland and utterly forgettable and by the end of the movie is nothing short of being a car-crash pantomime.
Newcomer Miller is immensely likeable and he steals the show in his movie debut - unfortunately the same can't be said for the rest of the cast.
Hugh Jackman's introduction played to a backdrop of Nirvana's Smells Like Teen Spirit warrants a few laughs but his performance throughout is far from entertaining.
Mara's Tiger Lily lacks direction, while Hedlund's best attempt to take on Indiana Jones is dire.
Unless your little ones are familiar with the original Peter Pan story some jokes may go over their heads or put them to sleep.
Peter Pan has been rehashed so many times before and there is nowhere for Wright's origin story to go that doesn't feel like it either revisiting familiar territory or desperately stretching to keep the ship afloat.
Avoid at all costs.
Laura Delaney
