Directed by Mort Nathan, starring Cuba Gooding Jr, Horatio Sanz, Roger Moore, Vivica Fox, Roselyn Sanchez.

Cuba Gooding Jr won an Oscar for his role in 'Jerry Maguire' and it looks like he's kept yelling "show me the money" at hapless agents ever since. Otherwise why would he have taken leading roles in films like 'Snow Dogs' and 'Rat Race'; with 'Boat Trip' he sinks to new depths.

Theoretically a comedy, 'Boat Trip' is the tale of two friends - Jerry (Gooding) and Nick (Sanz) - who decide to take a Caribbean cruise in the hope of picking up some foxy chicks. Unfortunately for all concerned they end up on a gay cruise instead, leading to a series of "hilarious" misunderstandings.

But all is not lost - for them - as they manage to find romance on board. Jerry's saviour comes in the shapely form of dance instructor Gabriella (Sanchez) who, of course, thinks that he's gay, and Nick inadvertent causes the Swedish Tanning Team - led by blondest of blondes (former Playboy Playmate Victoria Silvstedt) - to be stranded on board. The rest of the trip is spent trying to avoid certain amorous encounters, pursue others and (moral-of-the-story) ultimately discover that straight and gay men can be friends.

From the opening moments of 'Boat Trip' when Jerry practices a marriage proposal on his dog you know that you're in for a rough ride - but you still have no idea what depths the film can sink to: penile ice sculptures, rampant homophobia, stray semen a la 'Something About Mary', banana blow-jobs and Roger Moore as a raging queen who's lascivious declamation of "sex, sex, sex" makes your skin crawl.

The only people who might salvage some modicum of enjoyment from this are 15-year-old boys: pity about the 18s cert then. Avoid at all costs.

Caroline Hennessy