Actor and filmmaker David Morrissey has revealed he is a "recovering alcoholic" and has opened up about the "self-destructive" behaviour that followed the death of his father.
The 61-year-old, known for roles in The Walking Dead, State Of Play and Sherwood, spoke about his sobriety, anxiety and grief during an appearance on BBC Radio 4's Desert Island Discs.
Morrissey has previously spoken about how his father died from a haemorrhage aged 54, when the actor was 15, after suffering from a long-term terminal blood disorder.
Speaking to Lauren Laverne, he said he was in a "terrible state" after his father’s death and reflected on the "trauma responses", depression and anxiety that followed.
Morrissey told Laverne that he left school at 16, a year after his father died, and spent six months travelling with a theatre company based in Wolverhampton.
"I knew that, academically, I was never going to be able to go to university or anything, that was never going to happen to me. So, I had to make it happen somewhere else," he said.
"It was hard for my mum, but I knew I had to cut the strings and find independence. They say that hyper-independence is a trauma response. I do tend to cut off sometimes.
"I am a recovering alcoholic. I was someone who has been sober now for 21 years. That was all part of being in trauma and not knowing how to stop being sort of in a depressive state and needing to be on my own."
On his alcoholism, the Liverpool-born actor said: "Drinking first was about anxiety. I’ve had this terrible social anxiety and that helped me get through it."
Morrissey said he began to struggle in his teenage years and added that, in his adult life, he "couldn’t stop".
He said: "I was just on my own in the pub. That was really hard and very hard for my ex-wife and people around me.
"I worked with a guy on a job. He gave me his number and I knew he was in [Alcoholics Anonymous]. Then two years later, I was in a terrible, terrible state, and I phoned him quite late, early in the morning time.
"He came round my house and just sat with me. And I’ve not drank since that day, really. So, it’s been tough."
Morrissey added: "When I stopped drinking, I didn’t stop being an alcoholic. My behaviour was still very self-destructive for many years."
The actor said he felt he was in "crisis" and that his career "rescued" him and makes him "feel safe".
He said he was drawn to acting after watching an episode of the 1970s TV drama Colditz, starring Michael Bryant, in which the main character "pretended to go mad in order to escape".
"That troubled me. It really upset me. I identified with him, his character, his situation, and that sort of thing that bubbled up inside me. I wanted to find out how to control that or understand it," he said.
"Therefore I went looking for acting, I went looking for a way out. And when I walked into the door of [the Everyman Youth Theatre], I found it. I found these people who were having fun but experimenting.
"It was about emotion. It was unashamedly about feelings."
He added: "When I’m in work, I feel safe. Not necessarily in control, but I feel it’s where I should be in my life. In my life, I’m less confident. I’m always looking for an exit strategy in every situation.
"I’m much better nowadays, but for a long time I was really telling myself I wasn’t enough and all that stuff, and that added to the sort of the alcoholism and the inability to stop."
Source: Press Association
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