Hermitage Green's Darragh Graham has spoken about the long journey he went through to track down his birth parents - including his biological father who had no idea he existed.
The multi-instrumentalist with the Irish acoustic folk-rock band appeared on Claire Byrne's RTÉ Radio 1 show on Monday morning, where he spoke about why the urge to try to find his birth parents didn't arise until later in life.
Growing up in Co Wicklow in the '90s, the musician knew that he was "a little bit different".
"As soon as I was old enough to understand, my parents would have explained [that I was adopted]," Graham told Byrne. "I have brown skin and my parents are white, and my sister is too. I knew as I was growing up I was a little bit different."
However, he didn't decide to try to contact his biological parents until 2019.
"I was married and I had kids and I was thinking maybe they (his children) would want to know," the music star said.
"Maybe there was a self-protective thing going on internally where I didn't want to open myself up, whether I would be accepted or rejected.
"Eventually, I went for it in 2019. I approached a social worker and filled out forms and did the process that every person wanting to trace their birth parents would."
He didn't meet his birth mother until "two-and-a-half to three years later", he said, adding that it "wasn't plain sailing".
They finally got to meet in 2022.
"Looking back, it was amazing and wonderful. In the moment, it was nerve-wracking," Graham said of their first encounter. "You just don't know what way it's going to go.
"It was a really nice experience afterwards because we kept in touch, she comes to my gigs, we're always back and forth."
He said he now has a relationship with his birth mother, brother and extended family: "There's lots of them!"
"It's a whole new family," Byrne suggested.
"True, yeah," Graham responded.
Through his birth mother, he found out that his birth father didn't know he existed.
"I grew up knowing that I had ties to Trinidad. All I knew was that my birth mother was Irish and my birth father was from Trinidad. I naturally assumed they both knew about me," Graham explained.
"Growing up in Wicklow in the '90s, I was different to everyone else, so I was aware that that difference came from him. So he would have been in my head a little bit more, growing up.
"To find out that he never knew was a bit of a shock."
Graham found a genealogist who managed to track his birth father down. The musician flew to Trinidad to meet his father alongside the genealogist.
"He was in shock. He wasn't able to speak," he said of his birth father's reaction to the news. "We walked into his bar and the genealogist said hello and we sat down and he showed him a few documents. He passed him over to me to say I would be someone that he would be interested in talking to as well.
"I said hello and I said, 'I'm from Ireland and what I'm about to tell you might shock you. I was born in 1984. I was adopted at birth, and I recently found my birth mother.
"'She told me your name and that you were from Trinidad, and through Sham (the genealogist) here, I found you. That's why I flew from Ireland, to tell you that I'm your son, and that I exist'."
"I always wanted to meet him, and I was very happy to have met him."
— RTÉ Radio 1 (@RTERadio1) June 24, 2024
Hermitage Green's Darragh Graham joined Claire Byrne in studio to share how he tracked down his biological father - who had no idea he existed.#TodayCB pic.twitter.com/hFMRa9IZDk
"He didn't really get over the initial shock," he continued. "That lasted for the entire meeting, I was there for about two hours. It was more, I talked to him and he listened. I asked him at one point, did he believe everything that I was saying, and he said he did.
"I was able to tell him that he would have been on my mind growing up and I always wanted to meet him, and I was very happy to have met him. He just listened. He was just really shocked."
However, Graham said he managed to meet his birth father again before he and his family travelled back to Ireland.
"We arranged to meet at the airport on our way home," the musician said. "His wife was with him, they greeted us with a warm hug. She said he has three daughters and he always wanted a son, and she said that now he does.
"He bought me a beer and we drank a beer together, and it was just a lovely experience. The last thing we said was, 'Don't forget to call'."
Graham added: "That week in Trinidad was probably one of the best weeks of my life. It's been an incredible journey. There have been ups and downs, but the way it has worked out for me, personally, it's been amazing."
Today with Claire Byrne, RTÉ Radio 1, weekdays, 10am
