Am I Here? Is a new documentary from director Alex Fegan, whose previous work includes The Irish Pub, Older Than Ireland and Abbeyfealegood.
It can be viewed any time on the RTÉ Player.
It features a diverse group of individuals, who all live on or off the streets of Dublin, who reflect on what life is really like for them. The documentary explores a year in the life on the streets of Ireland's capital, making visible the lives and stories that thousands of feet walk past every day.
Typical of Alex Fegan's intimate and empathic documentary style, he lets the people involved tell their story. People such as Liam.
"I’m proud to be Irish today," says Liam. "Some days I’m not proud to be Irish, but I am today. You wouldn’t survive 20 years on the streets without the help and the love of the people of Ireland.
"If the people of Ireland turned their back on the homeless people, we’d all die in a week. I wouldn’t last a week without the help of the public. I wouldn’t last a week."
Each person on Am I Here? wants a better life. This common human desire for something better is the impulse for telling this story. At a time when more people live on or off the streets of Dublin since the foundation of the state, this film offers a voice for those in the shadows and make visible the lives and stories that thousands of feet walk past every day.
Over the course of filming, we learn how people navigate different times of the year and what progress individuals make.
Martin tells of the realities of how tapping is difficult in January as most people don’t have much to spare after Christmas. Emma and Shane share their delight in getting a new tent as Emma explains the harsh realities of living on the streets.
"You feel like you’re going nowhere," she says. "No motivation. I cry walking down the road, trying to figure out where I’m going to get the energy to get through the day. Worrying if I’m going to come back to a tent, to my clothes, because they took two or three of them.
"Sometimes, it’s lonely. It's lonely," says Shane. "Even though we have each other. We’re broken. Even if we look fresh, it doesn’t mean anything . . . I don’t want to live in a tent anymore.
"There’s no shower, nowhere to go to the toilet. I’m embarrassed in case someone might notice me. I’m not looking after myself.
"I still have a road to go down with my drug use," he admits. "It’s not as bad as it was, but it’s not gone."
"When you're homeless on the streets you meet all sorts of people," says Carrie. "You're meeting people who are on drugs, who have a very bad drug habit.
"Most people you meet on the streets have a drug problem, people who have a drink habit. People that are lost. Something is broken in them . . . Most people that I’ve met are broken inside from a trauma in their life."
She goes on to say: "I lost both of my parents during the pandemic. And that’s where it all started off for me really."
But it's not all downbeat. For example, Natasha and Carrie share stories of the kindness of strangers. Not everyone ignores the people on the streets.
Natasha received a warm jumper from a shop owner and Carrie was given a pair of mittens. But the other side of life on the street is revealed when people speak of how they feel invisible to the world.
John says: "Irish people are generous when it comes to homeless people. A lot of them are. You will get people who will come up to you and talk to you and ask how you are. They will buy you a sandwich and through a few quid into your cup if you need anything.
"But a lot of people will just walk past you. You feel like a ghost. You feel like you’re sitting here and you’re invisible and it’s the most horrible feeling you could ever feel in your life, is that feeling of invisibility."
Then there are the shattered dreams, the lost opportunities, the unfulfilled ambitions.
Liam recalls that he had great potential as a footballer. Cyntija tells of how she was a great table tennis player twice won big competitions in Latvia. Carrie speaks of her love of animals and how she wanted to be a vet.
"People don't know my past," says John. "They don’t know that I’m a qualified painter decorator. I’m a great guitar player. People don’t see that. They just see a nobody."
Am I Here? is streaming on the RTÉ Player
