Devon Murray, the Irish actor who played Seamus Finnigan in the Harry Potter films, has spoken about his battle with depression for the first time and has revealed that he came very close to committing suicide earlier this year.
Murray says that he has been battling depression in silence for ten years and has only recently spoken about it.
Speaking on the Eoghan McDermott Show on RTÉ 2fm on Mental Health Awareness Day, the 28-year-old actor said, "Last January and February I was just a mess. I felt like I had let down my parents. I couldn't do anything right, I was pointless. I was just a disaster."
I've been battling depression in silence for ten years & only recently spoke about it and has made a huge difference #worldmentalhealthday— Devon Murray (@DevonMMurray) October 10, 2016
He continued, "I texted my mam and dad, I can't remember exactly what I said to them but it was me asking for help without exactly asking for help. They were calling me and texting me... I wouldn't answer their calls but I was reading their texts...
"That night I told mum and dad for the first time I was feeling. I'd had thoughts beforehand but that was the first time I went as far as getting things ready."
Murray said that he has been "battling depression in silence for ten years and I have only recently spoken about it. It has made a huge difference. I had suicidal thoughts this year and that was the kick up the arse I needed."
Murray first appeared in the Harry Potter films when he was 11 years old in 2001 and speaking to McDermott, he revealed that his depression really hit home on his sixteenth birthday.
Last April the High Court ordered Murray and his parents to pay his former agent more than €260,000 in unpaid commission.
However he said that despite his successful film career, he had missed out on an awful lot especially at a vulnerable stage in his life.
"People always said, 'ah, you’re in Harry Potter! You’ve got the best life in the world, and in a sense I did have a fantastic life, but I also had to give up so much," he said. "I had to live in the UK for eleven years. That’s eleven years away from my father, away from my school friends and my horses..."
I had suicidal thoughts this year and that was the kick up the arse that I needed! Open up, talk to people #worldmentalhealthday— Devon Murray (@DevonMMurray) October 10, 2016
"That weighted on me. Me and my dad were so close growing up and then not to see him day in, day out. It was my sixteenth birthday and I was staying in this fantastic hotel suite over in London and my room was full of presents from everybody and I should have been happy but I wasn’t.
"All I kept thinking was I’m not where I want to be - I want to be celebrating with my dad and my school friends and that’s when it clicked, there’s something not quite right.
Murray is now dealing with his problems and he urged people to seek help if they were battling with similar issues. "Open up, talk to people. If you suspect a friend of family member is suffering in silence, reach out to them and let them know you care."
If you have been affected by issues raised in this article, please visit samaritans.org, contact the 24-hour helpline on 116123 or email: firstname.lastname@example.org.