We present an extract from Fail Again Fail Even Better, the new novel by Karl MacDermott.
Fail Again Fail Even Better tells the story of poet Bosco Helly. In the pantheon of great Irish poets, Bosco would be nowhere near that pantheon. But what he lacks in talent, technical skill, emotional depth and authenticity he makes up for in persistence. The novel is a sacred hymn to all underachievers, a paean to creative pain, but most importantly, a full-throated aria celebrating the facilitation of one's delusions.
Last night, still troubled by my financial situation, I remembered what The Bishop had said a while back and what Felix parroted verbatim a few months later. Joyce is a meal ticket. I sat on my sofa and pondered this. Tried to clear my head of all annoyances. I have to write something about Joyce; set aside the world of poetry for the time being; explore other disciplines. I came up with an idea for a film script and once again, tried bringing in my Galway background. Incorporated contemporary ideas like pushback against the patriarchy, female empowerment and alternate histories. I spent four hours writing up a treatment. I'm quietly confident this could go somewhere. It’s a re-imagining (apologies to the Bishop) of the life of Nora Barnacle. We know Nora was a strong female character in her own right, but this re-conception makes her even more impressive.
It’s early Summer 1912. Nora is tiring of Jim and their life together in Trieste with the children Giorgio and Lucia. She’s sick of the drinking. The whining. The lack of funds. The incomprehensible rubbish he’s writing while having to provide bed and board for his brother, Stanislaus. She’s had enough of the whole soul-sapping domestic environment. She decides to leave him. She leaves them all. Goes to America. First day, just off the boat at Ellis Island, she’s in a bar in the Bowery neighbourhood, attempting to have a quiet drink to settle her nerves. Some obnoxious drunk in a bowler hat tries to pick her up. She tells him to leave her alone. He is persistent, however, and tries grabbing her. Out of the blue, and probably a result of all her pent-up frustrations, with a swift right hook, she knocks him down.
In the corner of the bar happens to be famous boxing promotor Jack Curley. Short a bout in that evening’s boxing card at The Long Acre Club on West 29th Street, he spots the feisty Irish woman defending her honour and has an idea. He approaches her. Introduces himself. Asks her if she wants to make some money. Fast. She sighs. Guess she needs some readies. It’s a tough town, this New York. He tells her he spotted her punching the drunk. Hadn’t seen a right hook like that since 'The Galveston Giant’ Jack Johnson’s early years. Would she like to get in the ring tonight against Mad Gertie Gilhooly from Kansas City? Not Mano a Mano but Womano a Womano. The punters love that. She tells him she always knew how to fend for herself, holding off all those boys bothering her on Abbeygate Street back in the day.
‘What’s your name?’, he asks.
‘Nora Barnacle,’ she replies.
He takes a puff of his big smelly Havana cigar, pauses for a moment and then proclaims, ‘Well, from now on, you’re Nora Bareknuckle!’
Meanwhile, Jim doesn’t know what to do. He decides to leave Trieste. Nora’s family are beside themselves and distraught with her running off to America. Her uncle Michael Healy offers to take Jim in with the children. He agrees. Moves to Galway. Starts working on a book of short stories. In this alternative history, the book will be called Galwegians.
Back Stateside, Nora Bareknuckle has become a huge success. The first female boxing champion of renown in the twentieth century. A true pioneer. An inspiration for future Katie Taylors everywhere. Travelling north to Minneapolis, south to New Orleans and west to San Francisco, she attains a new record of seventy-nine straight knockouts. She is feted by both high society and low. She even appears in a motion picture with young silent-film cowboy star, Hoot Gibson. Rumour has it she engages in a clandestine affair with her recently married co-star. In cahoots with Hoot. But all the time, in the back of her mind, she is thinking of Jim, Giorgio and Lucia and how they are getting on back in Galway with Uncle Michael. Further successes follow. By late spring of 1913, she branches out into entertainment. Makes some vaudeville appearances. Goes on tour with Annie Oakley. Annie teaches her to shoot a rifle while riding a horse. ‘Bareknuckle goes Bareback,’ The Grand Forks Herald of North Dakota announces on its front page in October 1913.
Meanwhile in Ireland, Jim has busily immersed himself in the artistic life of Galway, which basically means getting drunk every second evening with Pádraic Ó’Conaire. Galwegians is published in June 1914, greeted by an underwhelming public reaction although the final story in the collection, ‘The Deceased’, attracts some attention. Jim is disappointed by ongoing critical indifference and, feeling morose, one evening decides to carouse Galway city in search of female companionship. He spends hours trying to find a bordello, just one bordello, walking from Salthill to Prospect Hill, as far as Renmore and back to Rahoon, but it’s all in vain, and late in the evening returns home to Michael Healy’s house, a forlorn figure.
Nora has become very wealthy. But it doesn’t bring contentment. Though never a religious woman with her uninhibited ways and unquenchable fiery spirit, something keeps troubling her. A chance meeting with Edmond Francis Prendergast, the Archbishop of Philadelphia, focusses her mind on the truly important things in life. She thinks of home again and decides in late April 1916 to return to the ould sod. She can’t get into Ireland though because of the Easter Rising, but telegrams Jim to meet her with the children in Paris (and not to tell Stanislaus!).
The family are reunited in mid-May 1916 in the French capital. They stay in a luxurious hotel near Notre Dame Cathedral. Jim realises he took her for granted and how much he needs her. She informs him that she’s made some very good investments from her time away and has saved enough money – the days of hardship are over. She will be the primary provider from now on and he can concentrate on his writing. Showing a noticeable lack of male pride, he just nods and tells her that he loves her and will always remember that day they first met. He tells her he’s going to start writing a book set on that very day. Suddenly, there is a knock on the door of the hotel room. Nora opens it. It is Stanislaus holding a large suitcase. She stares at him, then, in an instant, clocks him with that bare knuckle.
Fail Again Fail Even Better is published by Troubador
About The Author: Former comedian, Karl MacDermott is a humour fiction writer. Originally from Galway he has written comedy series for radio and television in both Ireland and the UK and is the author of four books of humour fiction. He has also written many humour articles for The Irish Times. He is currently writer in residence at his home in Dublin - find out more here.
