Scríofa agus curtha i láthair ag Louisa Ní Eideáin seo seó ina bhfuil Béarla agus Gaeilge fite fuaite, Dopa-Mean Girl explores the musical journey of a woman with late diagnosis ADHD (Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder).
Ahead of performances at this year's First Fortnight Festival, Louisa introduces her award-winning one-woman show below.
I had not given much thought to the creative process and the impact that parenting (in particular mothering) would have on it. Sure, there would be less time for trying my hand at different things on stage or on page, but there would be less time for everything. Of course, there would be the demands of small people whose very existence relied on meeting their needs, but surely, I would also be able to rustle up a few canon-defining works in the meantime? And anyway, was I really an artist at all? Bits of music, the odd bit of stage time with comedy, short stories here and there and many, many projects started but never quite finished.
Motherhood was what prompted me to seek an ADHD diagnosis. My finely tuned systems and plans did not function so well when up against sleep-deprivation and the moods of toddlers that conformed to no amount of lists. Trying to balance working full-time, giving children all the attention they deserved and rustling up some creative output often had me in a constant state of hyperactivity and frenzy, until I would crash then repeat.
I'll never be like the Instagram mothers whose lives and houses live in a finely balanced eco-system of complimentary neutrals, in the same way that I know I’ll never believe my writing or performing is good enough. But that does not stop me
I had learnt about ADHD through other women sharing their experiences online, how it is often mis-diagnosed as anxiety, how it can present differently in girls and women. Dopa-Mean Girl is an attempt to share my story. Understanding more about how my brain worked, jolted me into action and forced me to consider pausing. Rather than thinking it was weird that I had had little songs in my head about inanimate objects, I decided to incorporate it into my show. It was written via a method of voice message reminders, rambling notes as Gaeilge and in English on my phone and the sweet rush of impending deadlines.
For, me it takes a village of support to create; and that doesn't even touch on actual logistical support. The magical group who transformed my script and score into something on stage, particularly the director Fran Detrez, producer Sarah Murphy, lighting designer Matt Burke and the generosity of Gorilla Design. I'm a member of a WhatsApp group of artist parents. I have not met most of them in person, but the encouragement provided there and the knowledge that you are not alone in this juggle has been a huge source of support. The opportunity to show a work in progress at Scene & Heard festival and Dublin Fringe and now to be part of First Fortnight has given me a platform that I never dreamed I’d have. I turned 40 this year, I thought I was too old to have my first one woman show, I’d left it too late. Or at least that’s what my non-stop brain told me.
FIRST FORTNIGHT AWARD#DublinFringe pic.twitter.com/HtRegBzjrF
— Dublin Fringe Festival (@dublinfringe) September 24, 2023
I’ll never be like the Instagram mothers whose lives and houses live in a finely balanced eco-system of complimentary neutrals, in the same way that I know I’ll never believe my writing or performing is good enough. But that does not stop me. I can’t stop trying in the daily morning battle to get shoes on small feet, just as I can’t stop trying to create something. Becoming a parent made me realise that conditions are never perfect, so the time to leap into writing and staging a show in the 12 months after a diagnosis was as good a time as any.
When a medic first addressed me as 'Mammy’ with an unwell two-week old in my arms, I didn’t respond. It has taken a few years for that label to feel like it was mine, despite the overwhelming love and connection I felt to my babies. So out of all the mean things I’ve called myself in the past the term artist, is starting to feel more and more comfortable.
Dopa-Mean Girl is at Smock Alley Theatre Boys School, Dublin from January 10th - 13th January 2024 as part of this year's First Fortnight Festival - find out more here, and explore the First Fortnight programme here.
