This week's RTÉ Drama On One production is I Am Not Your "Knacker" by Rosaleen McDonagh - listen to it above.
In this poetic monologue, Rosaleen explores issues of racism, identity, ableism and marginalisation, channelling the literary activism of legendary African-American author James Baldwin, and her own experiences as a member of the Traveller community.
Below, Rosaleen describes both her writing journey and the radio collaboration.
I Am Not Your Knacker is my raison d’être. The pejorative and parochial casualness regarding my community, Irish Travellers. "The Knackers" - how we are described and prescribed. The phrase, the inference needs several responses. My objective was to pay homage to the playwright, James Baldwin. My muse. I Am Not Your Negro comes from Baldwin’s unfinished piece, Remember This House. Works such as The Fire Inside, Giovanni’s Room, Go Tell It on the Mountain, The Fire Next Time, If Beale Street Could Talk, and Notes of a Native Son - Baldwin was prolific and polemic. His work both satisfying and stimulating. His commentary on racism arrested me, emotionally, physically, intellectually and creatively.
The piece was painful to write. It involved getting out of my wheelchair, lying on the floor in the foetal position. Then, rolling back and forth, physically and cognitively. Reciting the haunting slurs. Context, there was none. Anywhere, any place, any time. Verbal and physical violence were imminent. It took a week rolling back and forward, repetitive phrases, imagining other voices. Those voices, John Connors and Christine Collins, supported and invigorated energy, dynamism and a sense of realism into my poem. It wasn’t just a dig-out, their voices reverberated and cradled our lyrical Pavee lilt. There was an ease, a knowing, but mostly a resignation that this word has broken too many of us.
My spine, my backbone, I Am Not Your Knacker was published in a collection of essays entitled "Unsettled". It was never meant for radio. A poet pal showed it to the producer Kevin Brew. Things became tricky. Kevin’s expansive imagination is impressive and charismatic. He wanted to produce my poem. Pros, drama, it was all in the mix. The producer bringing my piece to another level. My voice. My weak spot. The place that spools all my vulnerabilities. His idea was innovative while also intimidating. My voice was never made for radio. Kevin was taking a risk. My diction, my tone,my timbre, it doesn’t work. His persistent persuasion. Hours, days, months, files, all bad memories of forced speech therapy. The ridicule, the undermining, the lack of confidence. The holding off. The shutting down. The forfeiting of an apology.
Kevin sat with me, we read together, tears of liberation. The pronunciations – the fragility, the intensity. With all the gentleness of a good director’s intention, Kevin said the words, then my echoing started. He didn’t correct, fix or coerce. Holding my hand, word for word, line for line. The microphone, the headphones, the apparatus of a studio. The healing, the catharsis, the politics, the awkwardness, my clumsiness. The atmosphere testing and trying on both our parts. His role, ensuring and reassuring that my voice matched the strength of my words. A settled man, a Traveller woman, all that we’ve inherited. His offering – a rendering, a sharing of talent. The radicalness, the generosity, the patience, the unspoken mutual respect. Finally exhaustion, giddiness, jubilation and a sense we’d met each other in that struggle of forgiveness and freedom.
I Am Not Your "Knacker" by Rosaleen McDonagh will be broadcast in the Drama On One slot on RTÉ Radio 1 at 8pm on Sunday, 21st May, performed by John Connors, Christine Collins, singer Siobhán Kavanagh and the author herself. Listen to more from Drama On One here.
