Finding your voice in the most unexpected of places, where perhaps hidden powers lie... For Sunday Miscellany on RTÉ Radio 1, listen to My Voice by Mary Kate O'Flanagan above.
I opened my mouth and nothing came out. This had been happening a lot lately – I kept losing my voice. I was reduced to whispering until I went to see an Ear, Nose and Throat specialist who scolded me, "Whispering is the very worst thing you can do, it puts a terrible strain on your voice!", He prescribed complete voice rest. Now I was mute, on doctor's orders. I couldn’t do my job, I couldn’t really socialise, I couldn’t even complete simple tasks like shopping or buying a train ticket without a notebook and pen. I couldn’t chat, which is in the top three of my favourite things to do.
The Ear, Nose and Throat specialist sent me to a speech therapist, who took one look at my name on the form, (this was in London) and said, "Mary Kate O Flanagan - Convent girl? Yeah, I see a lot of you. The nuns teach you good manners but to suppress your rage,". She continued, "The voice is closely linked to emotions. I can give you exercises to do, to release the tension you’re holding in your throat but until you go to therapy, this is going to keep happening".
I certainly didn’t want to go to therapy but I needed my voice to function in the world. And I was afraid that the reason I had a chaotic love life was tied up with the reason my voice was failing. So I committed to therapy.
Now talk therapy is a slow and painful process, especially when the reason you’re doing it is because you can’t talk. And at first it can feel like things are getting worse, not better, because you have to unpack the junk you don’t want to look at. I stuck with it doggedly, but I did find myself lamenting one day to a friend that I just wanted someone to magically heal me. She said, "Oh honey, you can’t heal your soul with just talk therapy. You should try reiki".
Listen to more from Sunday Miscellany here.
