Violinist Cliodhna Ryan introduces Bittersweet Symphony, her new podcast about 'the bitter, the sweet and the bittersweet experience' of life for classical musicians during a global pandemic - listen to the latest episode above.
I remember what it tasted like, the first time the words came out of my mouth, and it wasn't bitter, sweet, or bittersweet. It was the metallic taste of fear.
"I have an idea for a podcast."
I felt embarrassed. I had an idea, yes, but who hasn’t? And was that all I had?
I knew what I didn’t have, and that was any of the skills required to make this happen. I had never recorded myself, knew nothing about production, had never used any editing software, and didn’t know how social media worked.
But what I did have was a community and a belief.
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I am a violinist who began playing at the age of five and never stopped. Everything about my identity and life was shaped by music. Youth orchestra opened up a world of fun and friendships. It was here I discovered the experience of making music with others and the thrill of live performance; that moment of flow where time and space cease to exist and we become something other than a 'self’. We become embodied sound.
But back to that taste of fear. On March 12th 2020, musicians were sent home from rehearsals and it was months before we played together again. It was even longer until we shared our music-making with audiences. As the world around us reopened, we remained shut down. It was now August 2021, and I felt it was time. I had held on to this idea for months and had finally said it out loud. Bittersweet Symphony was born.
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In rehearsal breaks, over the phone, even after a sea swim, I asked my fellow musicians if they would join me on this adventure. I didn’t know what it was or where it would take us. Maybe it was a podcast, maybe it was simply a record of a time in their lives. Regardless, together we would create a time capsule, and in it we would place the bitter, the sweet and the bittersweet of their lives over the past 18 months.
I remember the first, the second, the third conversation. I remember thinking, "This could be something." In my back room and over Zoom, my fellow musicians shared their stories with me. I was moved by their complexity and vulnerability. As they laughed and cried, washing machines beeped and chairs creaked. By the end of September I had recorded 16 conversations, and YouTube became my teacher as the editing began.
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I picked a date for launch. On December 4th, I pushed Bittersweet Symphony out onto uncharted waters, not knowing if it would sink or swim. Still every second Tuesday, with trembling hands and a large helping of imposter syndrome, I force myself to press the upload button. Belief is what carries me through.
So what is my belief?
My belief is that sharing our stories can break down boundaries with audiences and within our community. My belief is that when we are given space to articulate our thoughts and feelings, extraordinary things can happen. From courageous communication comes connection. We are humans first and musicians second.
These are our stories.
This is Bittersweet Symphony.
New episodes of Bittersweet Symphony are released every second Tuesday via all major podcast platform - listen to more here.
