Thanksgiving is a funny one. I like it because it’s a secular holiday and it involves multiple pies. (I’m making this double apple pie.) But it’s tricky because you’re supposed to think about how grateful you are for the little things, and not think about how this whole country was founded on the genocide of the Native people. Anyway, for part of the day I try to do the former so I don’t ruin dinner for everyone.

I actually have some practice at cultivating an ‘attitude of gratitude’, because a few years ago my personal trainer told me to keep a list of things I’m grateful for. ‘Start small’ he advised me ‘You’ll be surprised at what comes up." Oh, I was surprised alright. That night I thought back over my day. I recalled with a smile that in the morning, same as every morning, I’d gotten that nice cup of coffee in the coffee shop on my block. I go there almost every day, and the girl knows my order and is super smiley. I always feel caffeinated and better when I leave, but until now, I hadn’t stopped to think about how lucky I was to have that sweet ritual.

via GIPHY

Then I remembered something. Wait a second, I forgot my loyalty card. I was almost at ten stamps. Today would have completed the card and gotten me a free drink, but because of my air-headedness, now all those overpriced drinks will go unrewarded. I’m such a fool, I always forget everything.

I sat up in bed, mentally listing all the other ways I’d messed up that day. I forgot to return that dress to ASOS, and it was too small for me, because I forgot for a four-month period not to eat pasta twice a day. My fury grew. What is the deal with my pension? I don’t have a clue, but wasn’t I supposed to be financially responsible this year? Oh and I still can’t even drive! Gah! Why did I always get in my own way like this? In keeping with that little tradition of night time regret, this Thanksgiving I’m going to list all of the ways I’ve messed up, and ruminate over them until New Year’s, when I’ll start again.

Fave this week: Ladybird. This cracker of a film stars the brilliant Saoirse Ronan and has one of the best opening scenes I’ve ever seen. I’m the exact demographic for this film, made by Greta Gerwig about a 1990’s adolescence, and true to form, I adored it.