Comedian Emma Doran reflects on the mushy life cycle of a pumpkin in Ireland.

As we all know, us Irish started the whole Hallowe'en thing. As a nation, we love death and misery so it was a no brainer. We were happy to leave celebrations like New Years Eve to other nationalities that had a better grasp of abstract emotions like hope and optimism.

Then somewhere along the way America took charge of the spooky season and added colourful decorations, SHOP BOUGHT COSTUMES, nice things to eat and a sense of jolliment. At first, as with most things, we looked on and said, 'sure that’s the Americans for you’. But then sure didn’t we all get on board with the enjoyable bits of it.

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When I was a child, the 31st of October was different. It was about 12-year-old boys starting bonfires in housing estates and you hoping you didn't fall into it. All before you could go home and see if you’d gotten any sweets among your trick or treat bag of scaudly apples and monkey nuts.

One part of The American Halloween that we have refused to get fully behind, though, is pumpkin culture.

Sadly, many of our great grandfathers lost fingers and eyes trying to carve faces into turnips. Although I haven’t much sympathy as their more malleable root cousin, the potato, was just sitting there!

So yes, we happily buy the pumpkins and carve them but its less pumpkin spice and more lump it delight.

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To try and keep some of the mood of the season of days gone by, I treat my pumpkins in a particular way each year and I assume you do the same

1. First, I begin each Halloween with talking about maybe, actually trying to make pumpkin soup this year. No pumpkin soup will be made - shop bought or otherwise

2. I’ll then mention the fact that pumpkin seeds are kinda expense and are often used in granolas and maybe I should wash and dry them. I might even watch a YouTube video about air frying pumpkin seeds to do something really cool with them. However, it will be agreed that this would appear to be less effort than the soup. No granola will be made.

3. As tradition will have it, I will then decide to feck the complete inside of the pumpkin into the bin as its all a bit messy and life is too short.

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4. I will do my best to avoid people who not only drink but mention pumpkin spice lattes for the month of October.

5. When I bring my children out Halloween night, I will notice other neighbours have carved deadly pumpkins and think fair play but also’ bit American’

6. After trick or treating, then comes the time when I watch my pumpkin quickly rot now it's been carved and had a candle lighting it in. It is also around this time I realised that people who say they make pumpkin soup and other such pumpkin based meals are champion spoofers.

7. Come November 1st I will never mention pumpkins again until next year. Except one last time on November 7th when someone gets the job of throwing a mushy pumpkin in the food bin.