Earlier this year, comedian Julie Jay announced that she and her partner, Dancing with the Stars contestant Fred Cooke, were expecting a baby. Since then, she has shared some of her funniest and most honest insights on Instagram though her 'Pregnant Pause' posts.
Here, she shares her latest thoughts on her journey to motherhood with RTÉ LifeStyle.
Reminder: This article has been written for comedic purposes only, please visit HSE.ie for any information on pregnancy or contact your GP.
We had been trying to get pregnant for quite a while, but it turned out all we had to do was move out of Meath. We landed in Kerry at Christmas and conceived within four days! (PS: if you were born in September, you are officially a Bailey's baby.)
It's all quite surreal. At every maternity appointment I feel like I am in a Margaret Atwood novel - not just because I am wearing a bonnet but moreover because all the men hang out in the car park like Don Draper while we do our 'women's bits'.
At the 21 week scan, I am asked if we want to know what we’re having and I am honest when I say we’re really hoping for a ginger but as long as it's healthy we don't mind.
It turns out we are having a little man. The sonographer zooms in.
'There's his boy bit’ - she points to a blob.
‘As in his pe-?’
She cuts across me before I embarrass both of us - ‘HIS BOY BIT!’
I feel like an absolute pervert until she adds ‘the bit standing up’ and I realise that it is my son, not I, who is the pervert here.
I get naked at all my doctor’s appointments, presuming this to finally be the one where the notorious internal exam shall occur. At my most recent appointment, I present the doctor with a box of chocolates and am reminded that this is merely a routine blood pressure check and to please put my pants back on.
Having done the hypnobirthing course, I was all about my vaginal flower unfolding the baby out of me but on finding out that he is four pounds at twenty-seven weeks, my flower is officially closed for business and I will be availing of all the drugs.
The gestational diabetes has been a learning curve too, but thankfully Fred has assumed the role of Resident Pricker with gusto. In a Sleeping With The Enemy type move, he insists on whispering ‘I love you’ before giving me an oul prick and a few extra for good measure.
I make a mental note to start the swimming lessons with immediate effect.
I have been an emotional wreck over the past few weeks, and it's really hard to tell if it's the pregnancy hormones or because I have been watching Normal People.
I mention my work-related anxiety to the midwife and she asks me what I do. I inform her I'm a comedian and her finger hovers over the 'unemployed' box.
When I start to fret about my career though, my inner Kourtney Kardashian kicks in with a 'Kim, people are dying', and I remind myself of how lucky I am.
I just REALLY hope Fred's the Da.
You can follow Julie Jay's pregnancy diaries on her Instagram here.