And there it was. No sooner had I attempted the first dunk of my fun size Mars bar into my milky tea that I heard it, the mogwai-like gurgling of our newest addition – Thing 3 was awake...
I downed tools, secretly wept and prepared myself for another couple of hours of feeding, burping, peeing, wiping and crying. And that’s just me. Thing 3 arrived four weeks ago as if from nowhere (my wife will argue differently) and with Thing 1 and Thing 2 already tucked up in bed It gradually dawned on me that my nightly ‘Netflix fix’ will slowly become a thing of the past. Stranger Things Season 5 will be out before I’m back In my lounge pants and Mars bar heaven.
So there you have it, I’m a Dad of 3 boys aged ‘just turned 5’, terrible 2 (and I mean terrible) , and 4 weeks old. I love them dearly but I’ll be honest I’d been dreading the arrival of Thing 3.
Call me selfish – maybe I am – but I’ve never enjoyed the first 4-6 months of a baby’s life. Actually scrap that, I’ve never enjoyed my life for the first 4-6 months of a baby’s life. Hmmm yes, I must be selfish (my wife doesn’t argue with me on this)
I downed tools, secretly wept and prepared myself for another couple of hours of feeding, burping, peeing, wiping and crying.
Three kids is a game changer, I’m shattered, just shattered (and yes before you shoot me, my wife is even more shattered). It was Thing 1’s birthday last week and we had a party for him in a play centre - Kids Space Rathfarnham - which was very good although I probably lost 3lbs due to the crazy heat in the place (Mankini next time for shizzle). There was a lot of running around, wiping brows cheering on kids but being the CPO (Chief Present Officer) in our household I knew what lay ahead – helping Thing 1 construct his massive Superman Lego city AND following through on my promise – why oh why - to go camping in the back garden in his new tent. Thing 2 – who’s potty training I might add – had a wonderful idea of pitching the ‘ent’, as he calls it, and playing with the Lego in this newly pitched fort. BOOM, two birds with one stone I thought.
Three kids is a game changer, I’m shattered, just shattered (and yes before you shoot me, my wife is even more shattered).
So we pitched, we played, we laughed, we shouted, we cried and shouted some more before we tucked into dinner and prepped ourselves for night camp (if only we could drop the ‘m’ I thought).
And so night fell. With my stamina dwindling and Thing 1 & 2 in sugar rush heaven we hit the ‘ent’ for what was to be a long long night ahead. I introduced the boys to an app I’d found called Voice Changer with Effects (free on Android) and they had great fun hearing themselves back as robots, creatures, cyborgs, extraterrestrials and more.
It was only at 3am when I was woken by a Monster-like voice and some Lego bricks floating (yes floating) past me that I realised something was wrong... Thing 2 had woken up. He’d found my phone and was standing behind me when he accidently hit the Monster voice.
He scared himself ‘piss-less’ to the point of peeing at full pace against the inside of the tent, creating a Niagara Falls-like gush straight through Lego Metropolis and past good old Daddy’s ears.
As the little Monster’s voice said ‘Daddy I’m doing a wee wee, Daddy I’m doing a wee wee, Stranger Things I thought. Stranger Things indeed, but probably season 6 at this rate.
( -_- )
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Come back next week for my next installment. In the meantime, if you have any funny stories, jokes or topics that you'd like discussed feel free to get in touch.