Directed by Bill Eagles, starring Rachel Weisz, Susan Lynch, Alex Norton, Maurice Roeves, Iain Glen and Tom Mannion.
This is a film about crimes. Assault, robbery, murder, they're all here, and most heinous of all, the misuse of two very talented actors in waste of space roles. Weisz and Lynch are Petula and Dorothy, the unfortunate partners of psychotic boyfriends: Brian, a businessman come thug, and Tony (Mannion and Glen), a genial junkie who carries a revolver and his works around in a golf bag. The women collide when Dorothy saves Petula from a savage beating but manages to kill Brian with an eight foot scaffolding pole in the process. Bonding instantly (we only have 87 minutes here), the two embark on a corkscrew scheme to hustle £1 million out of Brian's brother, local heavy Ronnie McMinn (Roeves). But when Tony reappears looking for his golf bag and bent copper Hepburn (Norton) sniffs a hustle, things don't quite go to plan.
The first feature from Duncan Kenworthy ('Notting Hill') and Andrew MacDonald's ('Trainspotting') DNA films, 'Beautiful Creatures' fails to cut it as either urban thriller or high-rise comedy. With a plot that seems like the hyperactive child of 'Bound' and 'Shallow Grave', it bounces along at a teeth-grinding pace, blissfully glossing over character development and plot consistencies in favour of blood and guts set pieces. You might forgive the fact that Weisz and Lynch hatch a ransom plot that would put most terrorist organisations to shame in five minutes, but as the film progresses the crazy glue storyline turns you from expectant viewer into uncooperative hostage. As for character development, there's more on a ransom note: Lynch is reduced to a string of wisecracking one liners while Weiss', ridiculously coiffured in a blonde wig, looks and sounds like she just wandered off the set of 'Kilroy'. More 'Tom and Jerry' than 'Thelma and Louise'.