About RTÉ Television
The Afternoon Show
The Afternoon ShowRTÉ One, Weekdays, 4.00pm

Laws of Attraction!

Friday, 29 January 2010

David Kavanagh- Relationship Consultant

How to have a perfect first date!

Most Irish people don't do dates. A date for us is going to the local, getting drunk, snogging a stranger, exchanging numbers and then meeting up the following week in a different pub where you walk in and try to remember what they looked like! We need to appreciate the enjoyment of dating more than we do. And not rely on alcohol; go to comedy or something like that.

Dinner can be a bit much for a first date, unless you really like them/they're very hot. If you're lukewarm, or it's an internet date, meet the poor sod for lunch, drinks or coffee. If that works out then eventually dinner might be on the cards, perish the thought, and that's where many Irish people get stuck, so today's feature is all about how to have the perfect first dinner date and will be modeled by our two wonderful models Mary and Joe!

Now the first rule is to make sure that you know where you are going for the meal, the last thing you want is to get there and find that you are over or under dressed for the type of restaurant that you are in, some men like to surprise their dates with their choice of restaurant but this is never really a good idea-spare a thought for the woman of your dreams wearing 6 inch heels as she totters into the local super pub for a late carvery, she would be mortified.
Our models here are perfectly dressed for a nice mid range priced restaurant, it's usually better to err on the side of caution and bring your date someplace comfortable rather than someplace too extravagant where she might feel a little too formal. Instead the decent thing to do is to tell her what kind of restaurant it is and she can make up her own mind.

Next thing to be aware of is first and foremost what not to talk about-Keep it light hearted.

Or the other thing not to talk about on a first date would be Politics- "Soooo Brian Cowen, eh? Long pregnant pause as he waits for a reply and she looks mystified.

Some of the most annoying things some people do on dates.
The first really annoying thing people can do is to laugh very loudly at your attempts at humour, which you know are not really that funny-cue female actor laughing loudly and the guy looking around the room very embarrassed as a result.

It is not a good idea to laugh too loud as everyone in the restaurant will look and he'll think he is in a horrible movie on TV.
The second thing to avoid doing, is being too touchy- feely early on, if you are still getting to know someone, and you haven't actually snogged yet on this date, when you reach your hand over and touch your dates, they might not react very positively-cue actors touching hands.

What's worse though is if he starts rubbing his foot up and down her leg-god that's just awful-cue actors mimicking the same.
And the final nail in the coffin of any date is if the guy at the end starts totting up the bill and says................"ok, so you had the steak, that was €25, I had the salad, that was only €10. it's a bad sign. Equality? If they earning a similar amount of money then on the 2nd date they can go 50-50.

If the girl asked him out the guy should still pay, or at least offer. A man should want to spoil a girl. If he doesn't pay, it doesn't necessarily mean he is mean or not keen on the girl. It could just mean he has lost his job lately or has financial worries. What a way to turn off the romance?

So what should you talk about on a first Date:

Keep the conversation nice and light hearted-actor saying "So tell me a bit about yourself, if you were a pizza topping, what would you be?! This is one of the most popular speed dating questions! Or if you were to go away for your perfect version of a holiday, where would you go....?

Now how do you know if the date is going well?

These are some of the signs to watch out for...
Space invading, if your date starts moving their drinking glass closer to your side, it's an unconscious attempt to get closer to you, and not just them being a bit clumsy!

Also watch out for Mirroring-this is where you are both unconsciously copying each other, most obvious when you take a sip from your wine glass at the same time, this is a good indication that you have both created Rapport between each other.

A good sign for the guys is if the female strokes the stem of her wine glass.

I will I have to explain what this one is or do we all get it....??? haha

And lastly, when you are leaving the restaurant, guys be a gentle man, help her on with her coat, move her chair back, Pay the bill, without even mentioning "God that was great value, I will come here again" at which point the female actor raises her eyes to heaven.

So finally how do you know if she wants you to kiss her, well it's simple, stand close to her as you are thanking her for a great night, stand within 18 inches or thereabouts, this is our intimate zone and we only allow people we like in this close to us, and as you are talking to her, if she starts to look at your lips, it means either you have something stuck to your chin, haha or she is thinking about kissing be brave, and see what happens
Then if she responds, make sure you are very gentle and give her an innocent kiss rather than a horrible sloppy kiss.

Women tend to rate men on how good or bad a kisser they are so get practicing on the back of your hand if you need to!