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Emotional Makeover - Elaine Bogle

Tuesday, 1 December 2009

We launched a survey on Monday 14th September to find out how our viewers feel about body image and the pressure on us all to look a certain way and be a certain size. Some of the results we found were:


Here on The Afternoon Show, we want to try change how we all feel about ourselves.
In the weeks leading up to Christmas, we want to take 3 of our viewers on a journey of rediscovery to help them change how they feel about themselves and make them happier and more confident in their own skin.

Brian Colbert - NLP
Brian Colbert is regarded as one of the leading consultants in the area of Personal Growth in Ireland today. Brian is a Licensed Master Trainer of Neuro-linguistic programming (NLP). Brian adheres to his own personal philosophy of always being true to yourself, honouring your destiny and living life to the full. His warmth, authenticity, curiosity and passion for life are contagious. His charismatic training style often swings delicately between the profound and the downright funny, which allows learning to become an interesting and fun experience.

Brian has a broad academic knowledge of the whole field of personal growth. However it is not academic knowledge he relies on for results but rather his own personal life experience and the experience of relating to thousands of individuals on a basic human level over the last twenty years. He is presently a director and co-founder of the IRISH INSTITUTE OF NLP where he spends much of his time developing and presenting NLP to enable people to reach their true potential. He is married, has two young boys and lives in Dublin.

Elaine Bogle - Emotional Makeover candidate
Elaine Bogle is a 24 year-old mother of one from Balbriggan who lives with husband Ian. She recently gave birth to their first child, Jonah, who is 15 weeks old. Elaine has always struggled with her body image, and finds it extremely difficult to socialise because of it. She finds she is always comparing herself to everyone and feels she is never good enough to match up. She finds it difficult to have conversations because she is always trying to think of something to say rather than listening to people. She is sick of feeling like this and more than anything wants to feel confident, happy and out-going to be a good role model for her son.

Emotional Makeover breakdown

Week 1
We met the three participants for the first time, we saw their video profiles and had a quick word from Brian on all three about what he feels their main problems are.

Week 2
We re-visit Tammy McGurk as she has an NLP session with Brian Colbert, with advice off the back for Tammy + video diaries of Elaine Bogle and Louise Conneely

Week 3 ( LAST WEEK )
We re-visit Louise Conneely as she has an NLP session with Brian Colbert, with advice off the back for Louise + video diaries of Tammy McGurk and Elaine Bogle

Week 4 ( THIS WEEK )
We re-visit Elaine Bogle as she has an NLP session with Brian Colbert, with advice off the back for Louise + video diaries of Tammy McGurk and Louise Conneely

Week 5 ( NEXT WEEK )
The girls won't be in studio but we will have video diaries of all three. Brian will be talking us through the most important points he's faced with our three participants.

Brian will be dealing with how to avoid being frightened of conversations:

Starting and keeping the Conversation Flowing

1. One of Elaine's challenges were her social skills or more specifically her conversational skills.

2. Elaine's biggest obstacle was knowing how to make friends and she felt that the conversation dried up too quickly when she made the effort so she became uncomfortable and avoided it.

3. Elaine wants to establish deep friendships and so has to go through that process.

4. Elaine likes to listen but needs to accept that communication is a two way street.

5. High quality communication only comes about when there is safety and mutual trust. This becomes the ground for personal disclosure and subsequent bonding.

The process

Step one: the greeting

. Smile
. Make Eye Contact
. Say Hello

Step two: Phatic Communication (Small Talk)

This is talk about the weather, the news, non personal 'safe' things.
If rapport is present then some mutual disclosures will take place.

. Where are you from?
. What is your name?
. What is your baby's name?
. Where are you off to?

Step Three Cathartic Communication (the interaction deepens, there is more disclosure and emotions, beliefs and opinions are more freely expressed)

Only when the first two phases are addressed can the third be embarked upon and this does not happen instantly but normally takes a number of meetings for this progression to take place.

A few tips to help the conversation flow.
. Smile .
. Maintain eye contact.
. Relax and focus on what they are saying not what you are feeling.
. Get them talking about themselves.
. Make them feel good
. Make them feel safe.
. Open up first( not too much obviously)

Use open ended questions.(questions that will produce more than a yes or no response)
What do you think of X-factor last night?
Do you know anywhere nice to eat around here?

Use commentary that leads the other person to talk.
I see you own a dog?
That's a beautiful necklace you're wearing?
Your baby is full of energy!

Use the end of their sentence to prompt them to continue (do this sparingly)
. Upward inflect with your tone so as to make it a question, but be sure to smile or look surprised while doing so
. We had a great time. You had a great time?
. The Afternoon Show is the best show ever. You think it's the best show!
. I have been thinking of moving house. So you're thinking of moving house?

Find out what they are interested in and get them talking about that.

Self Image: The Swish Pattern Exercise

Your self-image is literally what it says it is: an image of yourself inside your mind.
This image dictates how you present yourself to the world .It also determines how you feel about yourself and how you are likely to respond to behavioural change.

Last week when I worked with Louise, she stated that one of the most effective exercises for her was The Swish Pattern. The Swish Pattern is an NLP exercise developed by Dr. Richard Bandler. This simple exercise produces a change in how you view yourself; this makes it so that you are more open, and likely to achieve the behavioural changes you are looking for. It can be used when working on self confidence, or with weight loss, smoking cessation, and lots more. This is how I used it on Louise.

1. I asked Louise to close her eyes and to see herself in her minds eye and to tell me what she saw. ( Negative Self Image)

(Needless to say Louise's picture of herself was not complimentary).

2. Next I asked her to close her eyes and imagine herself as she would ideally like to be after she made all the changes that she wanted in her life. ( Positive Self Image)

(I helped her to work on the elements of that image, we added in some sounds, and some movement and created a little movie in her mind of the successful event.)

3. Then I asked her to close her eyes again and to think of herself as she did the first time (this is her negative self image).

4. As she was looking at that image I asked her to imagine placing a tiny white dot in the centre of the image.

5. Then I asked her to imagine this tiny dot getting larger and larger unfolding and opening out over and onto the image.

6. As the dot got bigger I asked to imagine her successful self stepping gloriously and enthusiastically right through the white opening and then allowing that new successful happier more confident self image of hers filling her entire mind and replacing the older negative self image.

7. As soon as she had done this I asked her to open her eyes and when she did I got her to immediately close them.

8. Once she did, I got her to begin the process again.

9. Each time getting her to open her eyes and quickly close them again at the end of the procedure.

a. I did this about 7-8 times until I was happy that the old negative self image was defunct.

Now each time Louise looks at her self in her mind what she sees is a positive vibrant happy successful self. The old negative image has in effect been wiped out.

Self Confidence: The of Beam of Light Exercise One

This is an exercise I taught Elaine to do in order to feel confident in challenging situations

. Think of a time in your future where you would like to come across as being very confident (It could be a job interview, an important conversation or a public presentation whatever!)

. Now think of three different ideal emotions that you would like to be experiencing in that situation when it comes about... (I.e. Confidence, Relaxation and Determination)

. Next think of your favourite colour (If you don't have a favourite colour think of a vibrant bright colour that you really like).

. Using your imagination, create a circle of the colour (about 2 ft in diameter) you have picked and see it on the ground at a steps distance from you.

. Now imagine that you are standing in the middle of the circle in front of you, beaming full of confidence, filled with a wonderful sense of relaxation and a strong look of determination written all over your face.

. Keeping that in mind now close your eyes, take a real step forward as though you are stepping into your imaginary self in that circle in front of you.

. Take a deep breath in and begin to embrace the experience, imagine the light from the circle rise up and surround you, let it run right through you as you are bathe in it and as you do so imagine those feelings of confidence, that flow of deep and calm relaxation, the sense of determination beginning to build with each and every moment with each and every breath you take.

. Take another deep breath in, and feel the entire experience get stronger , feel a surge of confidence rising, bringing with it a wonderful calm collected sense of determination and a feeling that everything is going to work out wonderfully well this time!

. As you take your time, transport yourself through to the future situation in your mind .Imagine that now is then and then is now ,imagine yourself sailing through that future situation stronger, more determined, more confident , more powerfully relaxed than ever!

. See what you'd see, hear what you'd hear, feel what you'd feel, take a deep breath in and intensify the emotions. Imagine the looks on their face, as you move with grace, talk with conviction and put across your points so eloquently. You are saying the right word at the right time in the right sequence and you can feel it as you unleash that reservoir of confidence that is in you in a way that is appropriate to you and those around you!

. Take some more moments and let your imagination run away with itself! Now bring the situation to a successful conclusion and see yourself signing off and signing out with a smile on your face've done it've cracked it ! Well done! Take a step back to your original position and open your eyes.

You are now primed for success! Each time you think of your future situation do this.You are conditioning your mind through mental rehearsal to program yourself for success.

How often do you do this?
Every time you think of it. It only takes seconds and it is far better than worrying, isn't it? The more you do it , the stronger it becomes and after the first few times you don't even need to do the physical part (stepping forward) just the mental rehearsal itself will fire off the feelings.

Do you have to feel all the feelings 100% for it to work?
No you just have to feel better and keep practicing that will get you there.

What if I am no good at visualizing?
Everyone can visualize, you are just trying too hard. Rather than trying, just remember instead. Your pictures do not have to be perfect...your mind just needs to get the message. You can talk yourself into confidence too!

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