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Emotional Makeover - Tammy McGurk

Tuesday, 17 November 2009

We launched a survey on Monday 14th September to find out how our viewers feel about body image and the pressure on us all to look a certain way and be a certain size. Some of the results we found were:


Here on The Afternoon Show, we want to try change how we all feel about ourselves.
In the weeks leading up to Christmas, we want to take 3 of our viewers on a journey of rediscovery to help them change how they feel about themselves and make them happier and more confident in their own skin.

In the run-up to Christmas, people face a lot of issues to do with grief, confidence and body image, and we want to tackle some of these problems for our viewers

Brian Colbert is regarded as one of the leading consultants in the area of Personal Growth in Ireland today. Brian is a Licensed Master Trainer of Neuro-linguistic programming (NLP). Brian adheres to his own personal philosophy of always being true to yourself, honouring your destiny and living life to the full. His warmth, authenticity, curiosity and passion for life are contagious. His charismatic training style often swings delicately between the profound and the downright funny, which allows learning to become an interesting and fun experience. Brian has a broad academic knowledge of the whole field of personal growth. However it is not academic knowledge he relies on for results but rather his own personal life experience and the experience of relating to thousands of individuals on a basic human level over the last twenty years. He is presently a director and co-founder of the IRISH INSTITUTE OF NLP where he spends much of his time developing and presenting NLP to enable people to reach their true potential. He is married, has two young boys and lives in Dublin.
Tammy McGurk is turning 50 in December and is quite down about this. She lost her sister 2 years ago at the age of 52 to cancer, and she is still dealing with the grief that this brings. She has always come across as quite confident but underneath she isn't and worries about her weight a lot. She also is a little bit isolated away from her family. She would love to regain some of her confidence, and feel happy and more confident.

Emotional Makeover

This week we re-visit Tammy McGurk as she has an NLP session with Brian Colbert. Tammy lost her sister to cancer and as we saw last week she hasn't recovered from her grief. Brian Colbert brings us through the stages of bereavement and how we can re-evaluate our lives for the better.

Why does bereavement affect us so badly?
Death is something that feels totally unnatural to us despite the fact that it is part of the cycle of life and as such when it enters our lives through the loss of a loved one it tends to send us into a spin and on an emotional rollercoaster journey until eventually we arrive at a point where we can accept what has happened and so move on with our lives.
What is involved in the grief process?
Well, when people suffer a bereavement they often go through stages or phases of grief. Elisabeth Kübler-Ross (as set out in her work On Death and Dying) said 5 stages, but that was more to do with the a person who was dying as opposed to those left behind. These are slightly edited 7 steps, explanations of which can be found on our website.
They are:
Shock and Denial
Most people when faced with the loss of a loved are stunned, numbed and shocked. You will often hear them say " I just can believe it ..I keep expecting them( referring to their loved one) to turn up at minute"
Ironically it is this feeling of shock and numbness that gets you through the early stages.
Shock provides emotional protection from being overwhelmed all at once.

Pain and Guilt
As the shock wears off, the harsh painful reality comes to the surface more and the person may at times encounter guilty feelings or remorse over things they did or didn't do while their loved one was alive . Life may feel as if has been turned upside down and it is normal to feel uncertain or even somewhat fearful of the facing the future with their loved one in their everyday life.
Anger and Bargaining
Frustration gives way to anger, and you may lash out and lay unwarranted blame for the death on someone else. Please try to control this, as permanent damage to your relationships may result. This is a time for the release of bottled up emotion.
You may rail against fate, questioning "Why me?" You may also try to bargain in vain with the powers that be for a way out of your despair ("I will never drink again if you just bring him back")

"Depression" Reflection and Loneliness
Just when your friends may think you should be getting on with your life, a long period of sad reflection will likely overtake you. This is a normal stage of grief, so do not be "talked out of it" by well-meaning outsiders. Encouragement from others is not helpful to you during this stage of grieving.
During this time, you finally realize the true magnitude of your loss, and it depresses you. You may isolate yourself on purpose, reflect on things you did with your lost one, and focus on memories of the past. You may sense feelings of emptiness or despair.

The Upward Turn
As you start to adjust to life without your dear one, your life becomes a little calmer and more organized. Your physical symptoms lessen, and your "depression" begins to lift slightly.

Reconstruction and Work Through
As you become more functional, your mind starts working again, and you will find yourself seeking realistic solutions to problems posed by life without your loved one. You will start to work on practical and financial problems and reconstructing yourself and your life without him or her

Acceptance and Hope
During this, the last of the seven stages in this grief model, you learn to accept and deal with the reality of your situation. Acceptance does not necessarily mean instant happiness. Given the pain and turmoil you have experienced, you can never return to the carefree, untroubled YOU that existed before this tragedy. But you will find a way forward.

You will start to look forward and actually plan things for the future. Eventually, you will be able to think about your lost loved one without pain; sadness, yes, but the wrenching pain will be gone. You will once again anticipate some good times to come, and yes, even find joy again in the experience of living.

What can often happen, and what has happened with Tammy, is that it is possible to get stuck in a stage or miss a stage, which means you can't move on.

To participate in an emotional makeover at home, try the following exercises:

1. Attitude of Gratitude Exercise.

This week I want you to get your Success Journal and write in it all the things you can think of that you appreciate and are grateful for having in your life. The questions are below, write them out and fill them in.
Note : It will be better if you handwrite your answers rather than using the computer.

2. Mind Focusing Exercise.

I want you also to focus of the following questions

What do you want to get from This Emotional Makeover Process?
When do you want to have achieved this?
What will you see when you have it?
What will you hear when you have it?
What will you feel when you have it?
What is getting in the way?
What will be different as a result of having this?
What one thing can you do today to move towards this?

Attitude of Gratitude questions
Your God

What beliefs do you hold about this world that work for you and that you are grateful for?

Your Soul

What characteristics or personality traits do you have that you are happy with ?( If you need to, ask your family to describe your positive qualities)

What characteristics or personality traits do you have that you are happy with ?( If you need to, ask your family to describe your positive qualities

Your Heart

Who are the people that matter most to you in your life and that you are grateful to have in it?
What are the things in your life that you are grateful for ?

Your Mind

What skills and abilities have you that you can use to make yourself happier?
What goals do you want to achieve that will make you even happier?

Your Strength

What can you do today to make yourself happier?
What can you do in the next week to make you happier?

Your Impact

Where are you most happy?
When are you most happy?