"I'm a Fake Fiancée!"
Wednesday, 17 September 2008
Tired of being branded a mid-life singleton, journalist Kate Mulvey got herself a ring and pretended to be engaged to a banker. It changed her life.....
Kate Mulvey is 42 and single and childless, not through choice she points out, but because she hasn't met the right person. She feels that other women see her as competition, as though she's going to steal their husbands, and men assume she's easy. Recently she was despairing of ever finding an intelligent single man. Then a friend told her how, a few years ago when she was engaged, young attractive men flocked round her. She claimed that her engagement ring was the best man magnet on the planet. Kate decided to put this theory to the test.
In April this year, she began wearing a divorced friend's old engagement ring, and pretending that she was engaged to a banker called Seb. Since then, she claims her life has totally changed. She immediately felt sexy confident, and validated by the ring. She felt that it sent out a clear message that another man had chosen her, and so in her own words she transformed from "easy pickings into forbidden fruit". She can flirt without being branded a husband hunter, and wear revealing clothes without being branded a slut.
Has it worked?
In a word, Yes! Kate was invited on a date by a handsome older man. He had seen her at a party surrounded by men the week before he asked her out. The next time he met her, at an art gallery, he asked her out and they have been dating happily since.
More info about Kate:
-Although she has had several long relationships (one lasting 7 years one lasting 10 years) before trying out this experiment Kate had been single for almost a year
-This experiment started off as an April Fool's joke! She then decided to try it as an experiment to gauge people's reactions and attitude.
-She first noticed a change in attitude from a friend of hers called Richard. He seemed to notice her in a different light, and became more affectionate with her, asked her out for dinner etc
-She thinks that this stems from a theory of popularity-if people see a woman standing along they think she is a Norma No Mates and don't want to go over to her. If they see the same woman surrounded by people they are drawn to her and think that she is alluring and interesting.
-She also noticed a change in attitudes from women. Married women had always treated her with suspicion, She thinks that they were afraid that she would 'steal their mate'. Once they thought she was engaged she was viewed as less of a threat, and she found herself getting a lot more invitations to dinner parties etc that she would normally have been excluded from
-When asked why she thinks she became more appealing to men, she says that first and foremost they see her as being loveable now, as though the 'engagement' is a sort of validation. 'If someone else loves her then she must be loveable.' Some men see her as 'forbidden fruit' and view her as a challenge. Finally some other men think that she is safe to talk to, as she is not viewing them as future husband and father of her children!
-If she could give other singletons advice, she would use this as an example of how people's impressions of you can be shaped quickly. Her engagement was an illusion, yet it made her seem more attractive to some people. She would advise other people to be confident, positive, and to surround themselves with good supportive friends. These traits are always attractive
To read Kate Mulvey's article go to: www.telegraph.co.uk