by John O'Keeffe

The Male Perspective

Ladies, I have to hand it to you. The Red C poll really says it all. On the one hand you want equality and on the other...em...you don't. You want sex and on the other...well you're not that bothered. Let me explain.

Equality, first sisters. This is something you have striven for for centuries right? Wrong. A quarter of you surveyed admitted that men make "better" bosses, nearly half say that you will always be excluded from the best jobs and a similar amount agree that you will never be equal with us. Beginning to see the problem? That's right, its you. It's called self belief. We have it; you don't. (Then again, that's probably our fault too.)

Then there's the small matter of how we men look. Apparently all you're interested in is funny guys - almost 80% of you - and intelligence is also very important. And despite what you all proclaim, a substantial third of you think looks are important too. So let's see now, you're want a cross between Tommy Tiernan and Jean Paul Sartre with a sprinkling of George Clooney? No problem, Madam. Any ideas yet for dessert?

Oh, and it gets so much better. Apparently only a third of you think that our place is providing for the family. That being so, you won't mind if we spend our days hanging around the school gates with all the other Moms and polishing the 4 x 4 while worrying about Sorcha's next ballet class. Yeah, right. Then it seems that a quarter of us who have the temerity to still earn money (remember that old mortgage/bills thing) use this as a means of "control". Ladies, it would be easier to control a herd of rutting rhinos then Mná na hÉireann at full ramble.

Which brings me neatly to sex. A third of men think that if a woman carries a condom she's promiscuous. Mad, isn't it? Try this though: how would you feel if we walked around with a month's supply of the pill or a coil in our wallets? And by the way, if there is one thing more hilarious than 16% of Irish males claiming to have had 20 or more sexual partners (dreams don't count guys) it's Irish women claiming to have had an average of four. Sorry girls: they meant in a lifetime, not in a night.

Now if you will excuse me I'm off, to control, bully, promote inequality, be incredibly funny, equally clever, have an affair, demand submissiveness and regard all women as loose.

On second thoughts, I'll probably just go for a pint.