Red DawnThursday 14 Mar 2013
Director: Dan Bradley
Starring: Chris Hemsworth, Josh Peck, Josh Hutcherson, Adrianne Palicki, Isabel Lucas, Connor Cruise and Jeffrey Dean Morgan
Duration: 93 minutes
Red(undant) Yawn more like. In the future, this film and its tainted history will be used as a classic example of what not to do if you want to make an accomplished movie.
For starters, it’s merely a very bad remake of a not-so-great film, the 1984 Red Dawn that saw brave young Americans fight for freedom, fries and the American Way after the US was invaded by the Soviet Union.
With the Iron Curtain long gone, but with someone stupid enough to give this reboot a budget, a new enemy was required. Going into production in 2009, it seemed obvious to those involved that China would fit the bill. They wear red, don’t they?
With the film shot and edited and due for release in 2010, MGM’s financial problems caused it to gather dust until now. In the meantime, some bright spark realised that China was a huge market for American movies, so they set about retouching and reshooting in order to turn the nefarious invaders into North Koreans.
Chris Hemsworth (aka The Mighty Thor) stars as US Marine Jed Eckert, who happens to be home on leave in Spokane, Washington, when the invasion occurs. Thankfully his great sense of patriotism means he can do more than drink bottled beer and stare at women. He can kill people.
Jed promptly sets up a resistance group of young folk, and they inexplicably go from clueless hicks to deadly assassins in minutes.
Lots of bang-bang and dead bodies later, the brave Wolverines (so-called after their local college American football team) manage to ransack a fast food outlet and feast on soda and burgers to once again sample the taste of freedom.
Thankfully, Americans aren’t as stupid as this film would suggest - otherwise the North Koreans would be more than welcome to them. Instead, they'll just have to make-do with this moronic movie.