Anacondas: The Hunt for the Blood Orchid (12PG)Thursday 11 Nov 2004
Duration: 0 minutes
Directed by Dwight H Little, starring Johnny Messner, KaDee Strickland, Matthew Marsden, Nicholas Gonzalez, Eugene Byrd, Karl Yune, Salli Richardson and Morris Chestnut.
Words simply can't describe how poor this movie is. It wouldn't even have been that bad if this was a once-off rush of poisoned blood to the head. If only. No, the truly unforgivable aspect about this piece of cinematic vomit is that it's a sequel.
Seven years after the original came, sucked, and disappeared, the makers, in their unwavering quest to bring quality viewing to the discerning cinema-going public, decided to re-tell the same story, only this time with an inspiring different angle. Yes, as you may have cunningly concluded from the title, rather than a single human-hunting snake terrorising a bunch of foolish outsiders, there is a collection of the slimy beggars (the snakes that is) preying on such a posse.
Another telling change in storyline comes with the make-up of the aforementioned posse. Last time out it was a film crew who came a cropper while attempting to film a documentary on a mysterious Indian tribe. This time, however, with another deceptive shimmy, the new gang are seeking a rare orchid, which is of particular interest to a major pharmaceutical company.
Unfortunately, the flower only blooms for a short period every seven years (much like this fascinating pair of movies) and the naïve nincompoops have landed in Borneo (actually Fiji) during rainy season.
They manage to get over this hurdle, plus many others placed before them, and what follows is the latest thrilling instalment of humanity and nature versus corporate greed and depravity. If you want the former to triumph you will want to stay at home.
The only saving grace is the panoramic overviews of the Fijian rainforest. Other than that, it's just a group of C-list actors in an F-grade effort.