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Desperate Housewives - not suffering from a seven-year hitch

John Byrne talks about telly.

Swinging down the Lane

Reviewed: Desperate Housewives (Tuesday, RTÉ Two)
Back for an eighth and final season, Desperate Housewives may be on the way out but - if the first couple of episodes are any indication - it hasn't lost its tongue-in-cheek sense of humour. Sure, it's far from what it started out: an ironic, post-modern soap opera that poked fun at its ancestors, like a cheeky young new kid on the block.

Now that we're in an age where every talent-deprived wannabe who's been on TV for more than five minutes is regarded as a 'celebrity' and irony is well and truly dead, Desperate Housewives is a bit of an anachronism. Thankfully, that doesn't stop it from being fun.

This final season was always going to be about the aftermath of the murder at the end of the previous season, when Carlos clobbered Gabrielle's nasty stepfather. With all the girls now accessories to murder, it gave the writers plenty of scope to play with the main characters, and so far it's working.

Teri Hatcher's Susan was always going to be the flakiest of all and, true to character, that's exactly what's happening, as she finds it very difficult to cope with such a burden and is riddled with guilt. Last week's episode saw her trying her level best to get arrested, whether it was after absent-mindedly leaving the local without paying for a carton of soft drinks, or by parking in a no parking area and knocking over a policeman's motorbike - after tearing up a photo of his newborn child. It was pure Susan.
Gabrielle, of course, never lets anything as unnecessary as a conscience get in the way of her fun. With husband Carlos feeling guilty - and unable to get aroused for Gabby - she resorts to hiring a lap dancer to perform for Carlos, and get him in the right zone for sex.

Meanwhile, over in the Scavo house, all has changed. And it's pretty depressing. For a long time, Lynette and Tom represented the 'ordinary' couple, as their lives most resembled the kind of experiences married viewers could relate to, in terms of work, home life, and the draining effect of modern parenthood.

Now, they've split up, and it's sad to see Lynette and Tom bickering when there used to be so much love between them. Bizarrely enough, Doug Savant, who plays Tom, has admitted that the unpleasantness between their characters has spilled over into real life, as he's been having rows with Felicity Huffman, who plays Lynette.

Show creator Marc Cherry promises a fitting ending to the show, and has also pledged to avoid the movie/spin-off route. For those of us who've enjoyed the ups and downs (and many deaths) on Desperate Housewives, it looks like this last run will be rewarding. My money's on Lynette and Tom making up!

Pick of the Week

Happy Endings (Thursday, E4)
This sitcom just gets funnier and funnier. When it started out last year it was like a poor mix of Scrubs and Cougar Town, laced with that kind of shouty, 'Wassup?' brand of non-humour that can become very irritating, extremely quickly. It's virtually devoid of originality, but there's no harm in that, as it threads a familiar funny path as it focuses on the lives and relationships of a group of 30-something friends. This week, Brad pretends to be on a work trip to avoid Jane's university friend, Alex goes on some unusual dates, while Max and Dave promote steak.

New this week
Who Knows Ireland Best? (Friday, RTÉ One)
This week Derek Money's back on the box in a brand new game show that sets teams against each other to see - cue title - Who knows Ireland Best.

The answers to the questions posed have been set by 1,000 respondents' answers in a specially commissioned survey, where a cross-section of the public were asked about everything from their manners and morals to their hopes and expectations. It's a census of Ireland's self-esteem, a survey of our cultural body image. The show's contestants are drawn from various groups: there will be Cabbies versus Models, Students against Mammies and Tattooists tackling Hoteliers.

Birdsong (Sunday, BBC ONE)

Widely regarded as a modern literary classic, British author Sebastian Faulks's novel Birdsong has now been adapted for the small screen as a two-part drama by the Beeb. Eddie Redmayne (My Week with Marilyn, Richard II) and Clemence Poesy (28 Days Later, Harry Potter) star as the passionate young lovers Stephen and Isabelle, who were brought together by love and torn apart by the First World War. Adapted by Bafta award-winning Abi Morgan (The Hour, Iron Lady), the story spans the decade of the First World War, telling the story of Stephen Wraysford, a young Englishman who, in 1910, arrives in Amiens, Northern France, to stay with the Azaire family and falls desperately in love with Isabelle Azaire. They begin an all-consuming affair, with huge consequences for them both. Years later, Stephen finds himself serving on the Western Front in 1916, in the very area where he met his great love.

Mad Dogs (Thursday, Sky One)
Some loved it, some thought it was bordering on nuts. Either way, Mad Dogs is back this Thursday for a second, four-part season on Sky One. The holiday from hell has been extended for Woody (Max Beesley), Quinn (Philip Glenister), Baxter (John Simm) and Rick (Marc Warren), and writer Cris Cole has plumbed the depths of his imagination to pen a second delectably dark script. Mad Dogs season two opens right where the first left off. The lads are preparing to drive off and leave Quinn to it, when they spot Maria's partner in crime, Dominic, making his way to the villa. Without spoiling any surprises, the four entangle themselves in another wickedly funny tale involving more rigor mortis, that bag of drug money, a trip to Ibiza and an obsessive, oxygen tank-carrying OAP named Wheezy.

Ending this week
Above Suspicion (Monday, UTV)
The fourth season of the TV drama based on Lynda La Plante's novels comes to a conclusion. Travis, a woman always determined to get a result quickly and in the running for a promotion, follows her instincts independently of her team - which could lead her down a very dangerous path.

Documentary of the week
The Crusades; Holy War (Wednesday, BBC TWO)
Dr Thomas Asbridge presents his revelatory account of the 200-year war between Christians and Muslims for control of the Holy Land. Episode one traces the journey of the First Crusaders from Europe to Jerusalem.

Repeat of the week
Seinfeld (Monday, Sky Atlantic)
A treat for comedy fans as Sky Atlantic show the legendary Seinfeld from the very beginning. And although the pilot dates from 1989 (that's almost a quarter of a century ago!), the show is as fresh - and funny - as ever. In the pilot, Jerry wonders about the romantic intentions of a woman who wants to stay with him while in New York on business.

Guest stars of the week
After all the hullabaloo around last week's Madonna special, things get back to normal on The Graham Norton Show (Friday, BBC ONE) with an all-male line-up including Kenneth Branagh, Zach Braff and Frank Skinner. Earler the same night, BBC TWO's QI sees Sando Toksvig, Al Murray Alan Davies and Dara O'Briain joining host Stephen Fry. Jonathan Ross (Thursday, UTV) has Emma Thompson, Paddy McGuinness and Brooke Shields on the sofa.

Casting Couch Corner
Who's heading to what show
Grey's Anatomy and Private Practice creator Shonda Rhimes has landed a pilot order from ABC for her proposed period drama Gilded Lillys. Period dramas are unusual on US TV, and Rhimes' story is set in 1895, at the first grand luxury hotel opened in New York.

Former Hollyoaks actress Emma Rigby, Downton Abbey's Ian Glen and Polly Walker from Rome head the cast of Prisoner's Wives. This new, six-part BBC ONE drama follows the experiences of four very different women as they struggle to cope with their loved ones behind bars.

Liza Minnelli will be back on the small screen. A couple of years after her recurring role in Arrested Development, the 65-year-old will make a guest appearance on Sky Living's Hot in Cleveland as the agent of former soap star, Victoria, played by cast member Wendie Mallick.

Sky Living's homemade supernatural drama Bedlam returns for a second season this Spring and will have a new face amongst its cast - former EastEnders actress Lacy Turner. She plays Ellie, a paramedic who can see ghosts.

Sat Nav
Satellite Highlights

Suits (Tuesday, Dave)
Like legal dramas? Chances are then that you'll love this new show. Mike Ross (Patrick J Adams) had childhood dreams of becoming a lawyer, but they got derailed by unforeseen circumstances. Naturally intelligent and with a photographic memory, he makes a living taking tests for other people. Harvey Specter (Gabriel Macht) is one of New York City's top attorneys who has recently been promoted to senior partner at his firm, and is forced by company policy to hire an associate. After an accidental interview with Mike, Harvey is impressed by the younger man's quick wits, his encyclopaedic knowledge of the law, and his genuine desire to be an attorney, and hires him. Due to the fact that Mike lacks a law degree, and because the firm prefers Harvard alumni, they both pretend that Mike is a Harvard graduate.

Paul Simon Night (Friday, BBC FOUR)
Friday night on BBC FOUR remains a great refuge for those whose musical tastes revolve around the 1960s and '70s. This week, for example, there's a pile of shows dedicated to Paul Simon, the diminutive New York singer/songwriter best known for his partnership with Art Garfunkel. There's a live gig recoded at New York's Webster Hall, Simon and Garfunkel - The Harmony Game is a documentary about the making of their Bridge Over Troubled Water album, as well as a couple of other shows.

You Don't Know Jack (Thursday, Sky Atlantic)
This is a thought-provoking 2010 television film directed by Barry Levinson and starring Al Pacino as Jack Kevorkian, the controversial physician-assisted suicide advocate. Pacino won an Emmy and also a Golden Globe in 2011 for his role, while the film was also nominated for Outstanding Made for Television Movie at the Emmys.

John Byrne