Go Brian, Go Brian!

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Brian 'has to win it' Dowling

After eleven rollercoaster series and a few lacklustre celebrity episodes thrown in to the mix, we are finally on the countdown to the finale of Big Brother (thank God for that). Last night kicked off the celebrations, when two unwelcome tenants were thrown out of Big Bro's house. Luckily for us, those housemates came in the form of loud-mouthed Vanessa Feltz (it's getting hot in here, shall we take off all our clothes) and the uninteresting Newcastle lass from BB 5, Michelle Bass (No naked Jacuzziness).

Not only was the eviction show aired at 11.15pm (way past my bedtime on a Wednesday), but after that long wait from the first show, which ended at 10pm, the throwing out process only lasted a half an hour. The only way Davina (please wear a colour once in a while) and her interviewees could have kept me from falling asleep at that stage would have been to have some crazy fan try and invade the eviction stage to profess his undying love for Vanessa Feltz. No, that would never happen. Or would it? To my delight an overzealous, Big Brother obsessed loon, dived head first over the barriers and made a bid for a shocked Davina and the hip hop dancing V swizzle. It was perhaps the only exciting thing to happen all night and brought me back from my slumber, induced by two of the dullest BB interviews ever.

So what happened to these two buxom blondes that made the public turn off? Well the reason Vanessa was shown the door is pretty obvious. Why the very opinionated woman even considered going within a mile of the house again is beyond me? If I remember correctly, her last adventure into the Big Bro world left her with an expensive doctor's bill and the butt of far too many jokes. According to an emotional Davina last night, Vanessa once compared herself to hostage Terry Waite. The only difference there is that she lasted three nights in a luxurious house and he endured 1,763 days tied to a radiator. Her stint as the host of her own chat show during the week couldn't have left her looking more desperate than if she held up a sign with 'please give me my own chat show somebody' written on it. Although I did love the bitchy banter between her and Ulrika (don't even get me started on her).

Michelle never stood a chance of winning. Her rendition of Pie Jesu actually came as a surprising delight last week, but nothing could save her from the cackling friendship she formed with last week's evictees Makosi and Nadia. It's a relief to see she's changed from her naked, foul-mouthed ways that made her famous in BB5 when she embarked on a romance with 'chicken Stu'. But she still can't be considered one of the great housemates.

Watching the live feed yesterday (just for a second I swear), Davina was a mess inside the house. She seems to be more emotionally charged as the end draws near than Nikki gets after a night of snoring housemates. Maybe she's just worried about her next pay cheque. It has to be said though that she has done an amazing job as the Big Momma of the house, making us laugh, gasp and nearly cry on occasion.

So now there's only seven Ultimate (sort of) housemates left to battle it out for the coveted title of the greatest housemate of all time: Brian 'walk in the Big Brother park' Dowling, Chantelle 'needs to stop crying' Houghton, Samuel 'has no heart' Preston, Victor 'where's the rowdy man we loved?' Ebuwa, Nick 'Is he alive?' Bateman, Nikki 'still annoying' Graham and Ulrika 'if she wins I will demand a recount' Jonsson.

The big farewell is tomorrow night and I don't know about you, but I certainly can't wait to see the back of that dreary house. I am team Brian all the way. Please let this talk of reincarnating the show on Channel 5 all be lies. The only thing worse would be to drag the Feltz in as presenter. Shudder.

Sarah Carty