The X Factor

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Simon Cowell and Louis Walsh share a private joke

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Guest judge Katy Perry at the Irish auditions

A few boxes of Domino's pizzas scattered around the living room, all thoughts of our social lives on a Saturday night gone singing out the window and a strange urge to dig out the karaoke machine buried in the attic - why it can only be the return of 'The X Factor'.

This week the dream-granting judges hit the Irish shores with the help of the quirky and undeniably beautiful guest judge Katy Perry (she might even be prettier than Cheryl Cole, shocker). As the opening sequence cascaded over the tranquil hills of Ireland, presenter Dermot O'Leary explained how our native country is a place of peace and serenity. Have they forgotten that we have had to listen to the high pitched shrieks of Jedward for the last year, because of them?

While the two ladies (and Louis) of the panel dressed to impress and seemed chirpy as they arrived in Dublin, the ever-moaning Simon Cowell seemed, if possible, to be in an even fouler mood than usual. Looking like he'd rather be stuck in a karaoke bar with a selection of tribute acts than lend his ear to the tense hopefuls, I can understand how so many people are annoyed over his behaviour. "It's Louis Heaven, Simon Hell," he said with deadly seriousness into the camera, as his vocabulary seemed limited to a stern "no" for the Irish auditions.

Although Simon is still not out of the grumpy judge dog house just yet, I can't blame him for getting agitated after the first boy band took to the stage. Wearing what can only be likened to Take That's feminine tops in their strange 'It Only Takes a Minute' music video, Temple Fire, the all-dancing, all-singing, all-homemade t-shirt wearing group, failed to impress with their rendition of Wham's 'Wake Me Up.'. I just couldn't take them seriously when they said that they practiced for four to five hours a day. And that's the end result? Although a little worryingly they did have their family there supporting them; so joke or not, that's the question.

The great thing about 'The X Factor' is that anybody and everybody can audition, but that doesn't mean you have to. It's brilliant viewing yet slightly uncomfortable to watch as absolutely tone deaf auditionees make their way to the stage, already being laughed at for their wacky style or mundane looks. What is even more troubling is that these disillusioned people have family and friends following them, devastated if they don't get through. You would have to a pretty proud parent to go on telly and support your beloved son who is dressed as a tiger.

It's been four years since 'The X Factor' graced our side of the pond and for a while there it seemed like it would be the last time. The drops of sweat were visible across Louis' forehead as Simon continued to turn away the Irish talent, even Noel, the 'Walk Like an Egyptian'-singing country man couldn't crack his stony face. Maybe he could hear 'C'est La Vie' playing in the background like us, as we were constantly reminded that, yes, the show's in Ireland. There's no need to show people dressed as leprechauns and Irish flags at every available opportunity.

Just when all seemed to be lost for the land from which such greats as U2 and Bob Geldof have hailed, supermarket employee Mary Byrne arrived as Louis' final shot. From the moment her lips opened and her giant voice boomed out Tom Jones' 'I Who Have Nothing', the sour face of Mr Cowell began to soften (well thank God for that). Her powerful performance ended with a well-deserved standing ovation. Could she be the next SuBo? Or will she be called MaBy? Whatever her name, it's clear there'll be a job opening up in the supermarket soon.

As the final auditionee, Mary certainly regained some of the dignity that Ireland had lost to the ill-tempered celebrity judges. However, it is a bit frustrating that they let so many disasters through to the main stage in the first place. Isn't there supposed to be a filtering system the acts have to go through before they get to meet the judges?

It's only in the judges' houses that we get to see the real talent and the best bits are yet to come. Even the snippet at the end, showing two teenagers in a shocking fight, has left me counting down the days to this Saturday.

It seems all is not lost at the end of the summer, as winter 'just got good'.

Sarah Carty