Best, Worst and Ugliest

Here in the RTÉ Sport office we come across a mixed variety of content from the weird and wonderful archives of the World Wide Web. As such, we have decided to compile a list of the great, good and not so good in the one place, so you can get as much enjoyment from it as we did.

And if you have seen, heard or read something you think may have a place on this page, please send us the link to sportonline@rte.ie

Include Best, Worst and Ugliest in the subject line.

Note some of the content below is sensitive in nature and will require a sense of humour, strong stomach and open mind! Caution is advised.

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This is UGLY - FIFA's rendition of the Henry goal.

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Women have long been labelled the 'fairer sex', a title deservedly earned for their more reserved manner, delicate dispositions and greater compassion. However, once in a while a 'lady' comes along to shatter those assumptions, and this college soccer player from the United States tried to shatter a lot more than assumptions on this occasion. Watch it here.

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Players are often criticised for their failure to embrace their country's national anthem and remain motion and emotionless for the duration of their nation's pre-match rouser. However, the recent South Africa v France rugby match in Toulouse will be remembered for a questionable interpretation of the Springboks' anthem which had the players and fans struggling to keep a straight face! Watch it here.

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You might wonder how Bohemians' players reacted to their recent defence of the League of Ireland Premier Division title. In this in-club video, some of the players were modest in their appraisal of the season, some paid tribute to the manager, and one paid tribute to one of the league's most iconic figures. (If you're not a League of Ireland regular the impersonation may be lost on you! If you are, then you'll have to agree that this is priceless!) Watch it here.

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This is Koda the tiny (if slightly fat) flamin' Aussie wondrously small horse with the Melbourne Cup, which was won by a horse called Shocking at some ungodly hour on Monday night/Tuesday morning.....all together now: awwwwwwww.

(Koda is 35kg - weights in the Melbourne Cup are around the 60 kg mark! - under waist-high and, apparently, thriving against the odds).
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The Irish football team of the 1990s had their critics but no-one can deny they inspired music that was enjoyed by the team, the fans and the montage makers alike.

Aiming to latch onto the same populist buzz, the Corrigan Brothers* ('There's No One As Irish As Barack Obama' and Irish Times scribe Fintan O'Toole's fave band after the Wolfe Tones) have released a new song dedicated to the Irish football team.

Unfortunately, 'Here's To Trapattoni' breaks just about every rule in the "How To Latch On To The Coat-tails Of ANY Sports Team in the World" guide.

1. Mocking the team. Ireland "sometimes" lack skill and speed according to the lads. Chances of getting on the team bus: zero.

2. Repeated use of the phrase 'Toora Loora Loora La, Toora Loora Loora Loney'. The Dubliners can get away with this sort of stuff but only when fleshing out seven minute epic odes to drinking and debauchery. If your song is under three minutes long, its just not acceptable to use the phrase 'Toora Loora Loora Loo, Toora Loora Loora Loney' eight times.

3. Limited shelf-life. This song is about the France game. That's on in not much more than about two weeks lads.......

4. Use of actual football footage you probably "Don't A Loora Loora Own-ey". No doubt the bright eyed naifs at BSkyB will decide that this piece of Paddywhackery is just too cute for words and they'll tell the legal department to "lay off" the Corrigan's video.....or else they'll come down on the boys like a tonne of bricks the second the video attracts more than 200 Youtube hits. Your guess is as good as mine.

5. Failure to list all the players. John O'Shea is in there twice. About three other players are mentioned, and based on our single (last) listen, Robbie Keane isn't one of them. That's just lazy. "Duff" rhymes with "tough", guys.

Nanycase: For your viewing pleasure.

* The artists formerly known as 'Hardy Drew and the Nancy Boys'.

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Manchester City have been linked with everyone from Kaka to Messi and Gerrard to Terry since their takeover by the Abu Dhabi Group, but their latest 'signing' could yet prove to be the missing ingredient in their title aspirations. Having single-handedly downed Liverpool with a cameo performance at the Stadium of Light on Saturday, manager Mark Hughes wasted no time in securing the services of the Premier League's hottest property. What they paid for him is unknown and how he will fit into the City line-up alongside such luminaries as Robinho, Adebayour, Tevez, Bellamy et al remains to be seen, but his presence is sure to add an extra element of intrigue to City's trip to Anfield on 21 November.

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IRISH WEB AWARDS

Best? Worst? Ugliest?

We're not sure where www.rte.ie/sport fits in (on an individual basis the denizens of the www.rte.ie/sport desk are actually a dashing and enigmatic combination of all three).

Collectively, though, we're the Best Sport Website In The Land.

Says who? Says the fine, upstanding folk at the Irish Web Awards.....

Read all about it here. (and here too).

The tragedy of it is that because the awards took place on Saturday evening, nobody from the www.rte.ie/sport website could attend (what with Munster and Ireland both in action), meaning some marketing liggers got to go instead.
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'YOU ARE NAMED 'STAN', EH? WE IN CYRPUS REALLY HATE THAT WORD!!!!'

You couldn't make it up...

Two of the lowest points of Steve Staunton's of tenure as Republic of Ireland boss came against Cyprus. Playing an attacking game, Ireland went down 5-2 to a team widely seen by the Irish public as 'minnows' (even though they are really not half bad). At home, Staunton's Ireland could only manage a 1-1 draw thanks to a late Steve Finnan goal.

"For shame!", we all said.

So, Irish fans will have a certain amount of empathy for their Bulgarian counterparts after star forward Dimitar Berbatov scored their only goal in a 4-1 defeat that ended Bulgaria's hopes of qualifying for World Cup 2010.

4-1? Against Cypus? Berbatov was valued at around £20 million by Manchester United about a year ago. We're willing to bet that the entire Cypriot team plus subs would struggle to muster that sum on the open market.

The unfortunate Bulgarian gaffer's name?

Stanimir Stoilov.

Question: is the name 'Stan' some form of gratuitous insult in Cypriot?

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IS THIS THE WORST REFEREE EVER?

So you thought referees in the League of Ireland were bad? Well at least this guy's pedantic refereeing style isn't on show on these shores if this example of his work is anything to go by. Fair enough, there are several players from both sides encroaching during the first attempt, but the subsequent four efforts are also ruled out for the most minor of infringements. Thankfully, after several minutes of frustration, both sets of players and fans are put out of their misery when he lets the sixth (I think, I lost count) effort stand. Maybe Alan Kelly and Co aren't all that bad after all! Watch the video here.

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Regardless of his side's fortunes on the pitch, French national football team manager Raymond Domenech has been elevated to a new level of fame as the subject of a new song by singer Catherine Ringer.

Ringer, 51, a French porn actress in the 1970s and 80s, has penned Je Kiffe Raymond (I fancy Raymond) in homage to Domenech, whose popularity has been on the wane following some recent poor results in qualifying for the 2010 World Cup.

But according to The Times, 57-year-old Domenech retains the affections of one fan, who reveals 'if he attacked my penalty areas I would be without defenders'. Ooh la la! Read more here.

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Did you hear the one about the match that was abandoned with just four minutes gone after one team was left with just six fit players?

The Guardian report that Bulgarian Third Division outfit Gigant Belene began their clash with Chavdar Byala Slatina on Sunday, 4 October, with only eight players after a crippling injury list and suspensions saw their squad depleted.

Second in the table, Gigant's eight soon became six and referee Stoyan Denev was left with no alternative but to abandon the game as FIFA rules dictate that a team must field a minimum of seven players for the game to continue.

Chavdar were awarded a 3-0 victory. Read more here.

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The future of Australian racehorse Tuscan Abbe has been thrown into doubt after its trainer revealed it was a hermaphrodite with internal testes and high testosterone levels.

Most male racehorses end up getting gelded (castrated, to the man/eunuch on the street), but by storing his/her testes internally Tuscan Abbe has cunningly prevented such a gruesome fate. Read more here.

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Fabio Capello always dreamed of being a high flier - but as a pilot rather than a football boss. 'If I had not become a footballer, I would have flown Boeings,' the ­England coach admitted.

As reported by the Daily Star, the Italian added: 'Football is just a job to me. The three things I could not give up are my own home, my family and travelling.' Read more here.

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Roger Federer hit what he described as 'the greatest shot I ever hit in my life' in his US Open 2009 semi-final victory over Novak Djokovic.

The shot - a spectacular 'hotdog' between-the-legs shot by the Swiss after Djokovic had lobbed him at the net - succeeded in bringing Federer to match point.

It's one of those shots - in any sport - that you simply have to see to believe.

Watch Federer's 'greatest ever' shot here.

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Kilkenny's Tommy Walsh stands on the verge of being named Hurler of the Year after a season in which he was more dominant and impressive than ever in the Cats' half-back line. However, the five-times All Star could also have a career in stand-up comedy or after-dinner speaking awaiting him on his retirement if this clip is anything to go by. Watch it here.

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John McEnroe wowed the US Open audience at Arthur Ashe Stadium when he donned a pair of trainers and took to the court for an impromptu match with Novak Djokovic. The Serbian had earlier entertained the crowd by impersonating local hero McEnroe, who then swapped his seat in the commentary box for some on-court high jinks. Watch it here.

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Joke of the Day: The houses of two GAA football stars were broken into over the weekend. Missing from Kerry's Darragh Ó Sé's house: 5 All-Ireland medals; 5 Munster medals; 3 Railway Cup medals, 2 All Stars, 4 League medals. Missing from Cork's Nicholas Murphy's house: a kittle, 2 sáspins and a tape of Johnny Logan's What's Another Year.

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PLEASE STOP CRYING (BEFORE YOUR MUMMY LOOKS OVER)

When it comes to making small children cry and then trying to make them stop before their mummies see what we've done, we've all been there. But it's good to see that even the world's most expensive footballer has feet of clay at times.

Was it the Barcelona jersey? The Iberian penchant for making jokes about people with blond hair? Or did Ronaldo just tell this young Hungarian Barca fan he reckoned Xavi and Iniesta were made to look good by Man U's dreadful central midfield in the Champions League Final and, actually, they aren't all that?

Whichever it was, Cristiano looks like he'd really like him to think about something happy (ideally, before his mother looks over).

Try. Stepping. Over. That.

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THE 'QUINS BENCH PREPARE FOR SEASON 2009/10

Sporting types are forever telling us that the hard work is done in pre-season.

Having been rumbled for putting joke shop blood in the mouth of Cristiano Ronaldo wannabe Tom Williams, Harlequins have been working hard in pre-season and are determined never to let it happen again.

A new head coach? A moral code? Or practice makes perfect..........

When Quins need to execute the perfect faked blood switch this year they will do so safe in the knowledge that each and every one of their subs bench can dribble fake claret and, if required, adopt a vacant, starry eyed expression at the drop of a hat.......

This picture was accompanied by the line: 'The Harlequins subs bench knew they needed to be more convincing than ever this season.' As spotted by RTÉ Sport's Andrew O'Connor.

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Much has been made of the meteoric rise of South African runner Caster Semenya, with her gender being vigorously scrutinised by the IAAF and international media.

However, the 18-year-old has embraced her femininity in a makeover feature for South Africa's You magazine.

'I've never bought my own clothes, my mum buys them for me, but now that I know I can look like this I'd like to dress like this more often,' she said.

Read more here.

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Eddie Moroney, or 'Effin Eddie' as he is more widely known, has become a legend in GAA commentary circles. This is a clip that recently surfaced when we compiled our Great Sporting Quotes feature, and it would be a shame not to include it on our maiden instalment. Take it away Eddie. Listen here.

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Videos of poor tackles are a feature of the web and this week we were treated to one of the worst 'tackles' in recent memory. Standard Liege midfielder Axel Witsel's horror tackle on Anderlecht's Polish international Marcin Wasilewski earned him an 11-match suspension from the Belgian FA. Brace yourself. Watch it here.


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Kilkenny hurling fans have never been known for their modesty, and perhaps justifiably so given the all-conquering dominance of the Cats in recent years. However, they are known for their sharp wit and this t-shirt, whether a creation of a confident Cat or the marketing department of the famed brewer, is certainly a collector's item for any discerning Kilkenny fan.

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Spectating at a rally can be a precarious pursuit by its very nature, but check out how close this adventurous cameraman came to losing more than his lens. Note how he keeps his composure to continue snapping despite coming within a hair's breadth of certain death. Watch it here.

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Tadhg de Brún is perhaps not a name many sports fans will be aware of. However, as floor manager, De Brún has been hugely influential in ensuring that RTÉ Sport's live GAA broadcasts run smoothly and has worked on an impressive 84 All-Ireland finals. His memoirs, Tunnel Vision, are out now. Read more about De Brun in the Irish Examiner. Read it here.

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When viewing the Wasilewski link we also came across this vivid example of why politics and sport should not be mixed. Mayor of London Boris Johnson togged out for an England Legends team against Germany recently, and came up with this novel method of tackling an opponent. You've got to laugh.
Watch it here.

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