The Apprentice - Not Boxing Clever

Would the kids from 'Grange Hill' have picked better products than the gang on 'The Apprentice'? Hmmm…

1) A cat playhouse ("for cats", thanks Lorraine) that looked like a fire engine but which would mean no more to a cat than any other cardboard box.

2) A sleeping bag that looked like a romper suit for adults.

3) A saddle bag thing that no-one wanted to be saddled with.

4) A two-person dog lead which, as Ruby Wax brilliantly put it on 'You're Fired', looked like "a g-string for an elephant".

Talk about making life difficult for yourselves! The Shug even handed them two golden, eh, leads on a plate - a hardware shop and a department store - and all they had to do was pick the product to suit the locations. They didn't have to be sexy, they didn't have to look good, just serve a purpose.

All of which make Mona's achievements as project manager all the more remarkable. She had one person less on her team; sold really well; had the team motivated; worked a great double act with James and slashed her own odds of winning - hugely.

You may remember of course that you've been here before with me and a few weeks ago I was all excited about Phil winning. Since then, the shine faded, the testosterone went into overdrive and he proved to be his own worst enemy.

That great sage, Rocky Balboa's trainer Mickey, warned the lovable lummox that, when it comes to combat, "women weaken legs" and Phil certainly wobbled the more time he spent with Kate. Had he gone out on his own this week, bought a fold-up table and used his shtick to sell those products in markets and street corners he would've trumped Lorraine and everyone else for sales and still be there. Instead, he hung out of Kate like a puppy dog begging to be on a one-person leash, came back empty-handed, let the red mist descend in the boardroom and put it up to the boss. Only winner there, and you're not seeing him every week in his boxer shorts - although that would be amazing.

Aside from Mona showing that sometimes low-key people get their just rewards, the second heartening thing about this week's show was at the other end of the personality spectrum: Ben had actually learned something. He toned down his Alpha Muppet tendencies, kept his mouth shut and despite having the exact same amount of sales as Phil, survived. Good tactics. When it comes to boardroom battles, he's the only serious male contender left - but he needs to develop a lot more self-awareness very quickly.

But not as quickly as Lorraine, who's guilty of blurring the line between self-confidence and ego rampage. She reckoned she could sell 20,000 of the cardboard box; she sold 50 and later concluded that she didn't sell more in another location because "It's a Northern pet shop. The wages are a bit lower up here." Yes, cats are pets for the fabulously wealthy.

The prospects of her being in the final seem as unlikely as a cat realising that the cardboard box is actually a fire engine.

Harry Guerin