Dancing On Ice - Back to Normal...Yawn

Having livened things up with last week's 1980s-theme night, on Sunday 'Dancing on Ice' went back to being a bit of a slog - not through any lack of skating effort from the contestants, just because the show has such a chemistry deficit that it can feel like a very long hour-and-a-half. For all the did-they-just-do-that? moves, the desire to whoop at the telly doesn't happen too often, and, with Ray going to win it, the only tension you get is from the cattiness of some of the judges.

Speaking of Which…

What's the deal with Ruthie Henshall? Bit over-the-top with Roxanne, wasn't she? And earlier she turns around and says that having skated with her family during the week she has more admiration for the contestants! Like you thought what they were doing was easy?!

The makers of 'Dancing on Ice' really need to sit down after this series and rethink that panel. If people are facing the ice age of all recessions next year they're going to need something to cheer them up, not a group who make sitting in an outside toilet in January look like a more exciting prospect.

Here's How to Fix It

Get Torvill and Dean to be two of the judges next series; ditch some of the 'happy gang' (pick your own one, two, three, four or five) and let the professionals work out the routines with their celebrity partners from week to week. It's pointless that you don't get to know the pros (especially Florentine) or build up a bond with them (especially Florentine) and this is the ideal way to do it. I mean, it's not like they need Torvill and Dean holding their hands - they do this stuff for a living! - and going back to the two of them every time doesn't help the flow of the show.

The Funniest Bits

Ever notice when boredom sets in you can start finding things that aren't meant to be funny hilarious? That's what happening me with Phillip Schofield and his abacustastic "Well, we can see what's happened now" quote after the skate-off. This compulsion to state the obvious regarding the judges' voting is getting funnier the more I think about it. Yes, Phillip, I've just heard three of them announce their decision, and if three of the five of them have just voted to save someone, I know that means the other contestant can't survive because they can only get a maximum of two votes. You're right: I can actually see what's happened now.

That was genius, but was followed-up by another classic. As Melinda is saying her thank yous and goodbyes and getting ready for the ice, he goes: "Quick as you can, Melinda." One hundred and sixteen ad breaks, loads of monotone from the judges, endless shots of Jason Gardiner tilting his head and showing his whiter-than-the-ice teeth and you're rushing this woman?! I'd love to be there when they're drawing up that priority list for 2010!

Harry Guerin