Directed by John Whitesell, starring David Arquette, Angus T Jones, Michael Clarke Duncan and Paul Sorvino

If whoever suggested David Arquette should do 'See Spot Run' hasn't already left the building then you can only hope that their P45 is in the post. Never work with kids or dogs and Arquette does both in a film that gives new meaning to the concept of 'a howler'. The pitch? 'Turner & Hooch' meets 'Big Daddy' as Arquette's mutt-hating postal worker Gordon finds himself juggling home alone six-year-old James (Jones) and a stray dog (Spot) between his 9-5. It turns out the dog belongs to the FBI and both his handler Murdoch (Duncan) and a mob boss Sonny Talia (Sorvino) are eager to find him. Cue atrocious pacing, ridiculously awful set pieces and jokes so poor that you feel the need to walk three paces behind them with a scooper.

'See Spot Run' is rated 'PG' but really deserves an 18's certificate as no child should be exposed to such abject mediocrity at an early age. It may have looked like the perfect kids' film between the departure of the cheese board and the arrival of coffee at some high-powered studio meeting, but for 90-minutes, on a 60-foot screen it's folly of the highest order. Only young Jones and the dog come out of it with their reputations intact, while Arquette, Duncan and Sorvino give performances best described as the professional equivalent of rolling over and playing dead. Avoid like rabies.

Harry Guerin